Thursday, October 7, 2010
It is the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Traditionally, Chef has often not done well with any kind of holiday/celebration. It's yet another change in routine, it's still the beginning of a new school year, he asks almost every day whether or not my daughter and granddaughter are going to be at our place or not and where they are. There always seems to be so much running under the surface for Chef.
On our way to the store today, Chef looked at me and said, "Oh, I have something for you. It's a hug. I haven't given you one in awhile." Then he hugged me.
Wow! THAT is a rarity.
While we were at the store, Chef talked about some things he'd like us to make on the weekend. Fantastic! Chef doesn't usually initiate conversations like that, plus there were some "planning ahead" pieces in that statement! Some of the items required flour. When I reminded Chef that some of those items might have to wait because he'd recently eaten the rice/potato flour, he said, "Ok." I asked him how he'd managed to eat flour just on its own and he said he hadn't - he'd mixed it with vanilla.
Chef had a good evening tonight. We ate supper around 6:30pm, he tossed in his laundry, did some dishes, talked about the painting he'd brought home for me yesterday, we talked about weekend possibilities - all in all, a really nice evening.
And then I saw it.
A link of sausage (about a foot long) from the freezer had found its way to the railing going upstairs. I commented that that looked odd and asked Chef what his plan had been.
"To eat it," he said.
"Is sneaking raw meat from the freezer and putting it in the railing the appropriate way to get food?"
"No."
"What would have been better?"
"To eat something else."
"And sneak it?"
"No. But the package says it's been cooked."
"Does that make it appropriate to take it from the freezer and try to sneak it upstairs?"
"No! But I was hungry!"
"We had supper not long ago. If you were still hungry wouldn't it be better to have more supper or to have an appropriate snack?"
"I want the sausage!!"
Chef's eyebrows went down. His arms crossed. His voice raised. And Chef was reminded that he could either take some time outside to calm down or show that he could be respectful inside. Chef slammed out the door. He had taken his dresser drawers outside awhile back because he had never used them as drawers (except for a few puzzle pieces in one and food hidden under some fabric in another) but was frequently opening then slamming them when something wasn't going his way. He and I had talked about using the drawers for plants on our deck next year. Tonight, 4 out of 6 of them were destroyed. Chef started by banging them up against the house and the door, then started taking them apart and using the wood to hack apart the other drawers. I found it interesting that when I came out to give him his med, he stopped what he was doing, opened his mouth for the med, swallowed, then opened his mouth again to show me he'd swallowed. When I turned and went back into the house, Chef went back to grumping, banging on the house, and destroying the drawers. I called the local crisis unit to have someone on the phone while this was happening. We stayed on the phone while Chef finished with the drawers and agreed to clean up the mess and use his tools (usually exercising, especially if he is outside; inside tools also include reading, art, etc.) to deal with his frustration/tantrumming. When I got off the phone, Chef came running in the house screaming that he couldn't stay outside because there was something scary, then pointed to a tiny kitten on the lawn. Chef has never shown any fear of kittens. I asked if the kitten had surprised him and he said, "Yes, and it shouldn't have done that! I can't be outside with a kitten!" I picked up the kitten. Chef continued his tantrumming and yelled that he wanted to come inside. I reminded Chef that I hadn't seen a turn-around yet and needed to see him put some effort into dealing with his tantrumming. Chef walked away, turned around, folded his arms across his chest, and made a face at me. I closed the door. Chef started kicking/banging against the house and the door, and ringing the doorbell repeatedly and swearing. I took the kitten to our back door and gave it some food on our deck, thinking it might stay there for a bit, then I went back into the house. Chef was still tantrumming out front though he would occasionally pause to stare at the house with arms folded across his chest and an angry expression on his face, but would then go back to the tantrum. He even spent time playing with the kitten, who'd returned to the front yard, and would then go back to tantrumming. I called the police so he would receive the message from someone else that it wasn't ok to do what he was doing. The neighbours also came out and talked with Chef, but he'd initially continued on with the banging/kicking/swearing until I came out and said that I'd call the police. Chef stopped immediately and leaned quietly against the wall with his hands folded in front of him. The police came, talked with him, laughed with him, did a few jumping jacks with him, had him apologize, offered him their business card, and told him to listen to his mom. After they left, Chef and I went into the house and Chef immediately started to say something to me using disrespectful tone but I interrupted him and told him he had a choice of starting all over again by taking it outside to deal with it or turning things around immediately. He then rolled his eyes and started to try to argue. I told him that the message he was giving me was that he wasn't yet finished tantrumming and asked if that was the message he wanted to give.
"No," was the reply. By now it was after 10pm (I'd found the sausage around 8'ish). I said goodnight to him and Chef stomped into his room. I called him and asked him again if he still had some frustration to deal with because that was the message he was giving by stomping away and not responding. He started to roll his eyes and I told him to look at my eyes and take the time to find his calm. I haven't done that in ages and wasn't sure if it would still be beneficial - but Chef's eyes met mine and there was a moment of quiet. I then repeated, "Goodnight, Sweetie. Hope you have a good sleep," and Chef calmly said goodnight and went to bed.
I was just telling someone this afternoon that Chef has come such a long way in his life, and that a lot of his attachment difficulties have been healing (not healed, but healing!) over the years. This evening's trigger was very obviously one that is not historically unfamiliar - when Chef has tried to sneak an item into his room or the bathroom and the item is discovered before he can eat it or use it, he becomes furious. I had discovered the length of sausage before it had made it into his room and before he had a chance to eat it.
Tomorrow I'm going to start a combination of support strategies regarding food and see if a combination might be more beneficial for Chef.
Showing posts with label fasd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fasd. Show all posts
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Respite Weekend
Last night after supper, Chef agreed that he needed to get his laundry done so he didn't have to worry about it the rest of the weekend, and said he would ask his sister for permission to go into the basement (because she is home and he has to walk through her room to get to the laundry room) as soon as she was finished with what she was doing. I told him that in the meantime I needed to chat with him. Our neighbour had told me that the last time Chef was at her place he was loudly and repeatedly passing wind and laughing. I reminded Chef that that isn't ok in our home and certainly not ok to do in the neighbours' home either. I told him he could go up to his room to think about that while waiting for his sister. I called him about three minutes later. No response. I called him again a couple of minutes later. Nothing. His sister finished what she was doing. After chatting with her a bit, I quickly ran an errand. I glanced up at Chef's window from outside and noticed his light was off. When I got home and peeked into Chef's room, he was sound asleep. I'd planned to talk with him about the weekend but sure wasn't about to wake him up to do so.
The weekend is a music and culture weekend event. Chef has previously attended, though has always participated very passively. One time, he did agree to attend a workshop on his own while I attended one (he has known most of the musicians for quite a few years, so he feels fairly comfortable around most of them). He was the only one in his workshop, so he had an hour of individual music instruction. That was awesome! With me being a musician, Chef has had much exposure to the music community, has attended many group performances, and has performed a few times with our group as well (including one time when he played part of a tune as a solo at a public indoor market and one time when he was even on stage with us at the Concert Hall). And though he's chosen to no longer play any instruments for the time being, he definitely still benefits from being at events. However, given the way things were around camping, and the cultural event in August, and him (suddenly not!) attending the music retreat in July, and the fact that Chef has often said to our neighbour, "I didn't want to go anyway" regarding music events, I chose to do this weekend on my own. Sometimes I feel like 24/7 staff whose only time off is when Chef is asleep or at school or with a respite provider. So even with recognizing all the social benefits and feel-goods this event may have provided for Chef - sometimes, I just need a break.
This morning, Chef independently started his day again with 20 minutes of exercising. Awesome! This was followed by much rushing-around-but-not-really-doing-anything. As of this morning, Chef has now agreed that he will go back to eating breakfasts that I make, so we will re-start that next week. I'm glad he has come to the point of recognizing that benefit.
Unfortunately, Chef was out and waiting for the bus before there was a pause for me to talk with him about the weekend (for those of you unfamiliar with Chef's challenges, there have been many times when I've started preparing Chef for something different a few days or more before the event, only to have Chef be all over the map for the entire time leading up to the event - it's always tricky trying to find that balance). When I told him I'd be going away and that he'd be at the neighbour's - he cried! This completely caught me off-guard. When I told him I was going for a music weekend (thinking he'd say he didn't want to go anyway), he continued to cry and said that he wanted to come. I was stunned. There wasn't much time before the bus. I asked if he'd put in his laundry so he had free time on the weekend, and regretted asking that question as soon as it was out of my mouth - as though he were missing the weekend away with me because he didn't do his laundry. I hugged him and told him there would be other music weekends together and that I hoped he'd have a great weekend. He dried his face and walked to the bus.
The weekend is a music and culture weekend event. Chef has previously attended, though has always participated very passively. One time, he did agree to attend a workshop on his own while I attended one (he has known most of the musicians for quite a few years, so he feels fairly comfortable around most of them). He was the only one in his workshop, so he had an hour of individual music instruction. That was awesome! With me being a musician, Chef has had much exposure to the music community, has attended many group performances, and has performed a few times with our group as well (including one time when he played part of a tune as a solo at a public indoor market and one time when he was even on stage with us at the Concert Hall). And though he's chosen to no longer play any instruments for the time being, he definitely still benefits from being at events. However, given the way things were around camping, and the cultural event in August, and him (suddenly not!) attending the music retreat in July, and the fact that Chef has often said to our neighbour, "I didn't want to go anyway" regarding music events, I chose to do this weekend on my own. Sometimes I feel like 24/7 staff whose only time off is when Chef is asleep or at school or with a respite provider. So even with recognizing all the social benefits and feel-goods this event may have provided for Chef - sometimes, I just need a break.
This morning, Chef independently started his day again with 20 minutes of exercising. Awesome! This was followed by much rushing-around-but-not-really-doing-anything. As of this morning, Chef has now agreed that he will go back to eating breakfasts that I make, so we will re-start that next week. I'm glad he has come to the point of recognizing that benefit.
Unfortunately, Chef was out and waiting for the bus before there was a pause for me to talk with him about the weekend (for those of you unfamiliar with Chef's challenges, there have been many times when I've started preparing Chef for something different a few days or more before the event, only to have Chef be all over the map for the entire time leading up to the event - it's always tricky trying to find that balance). When I told him I'd be going away and that he'd be at the neighbour's - he cried! This completely caught me off-guard. When I told him I was going for a music weekend (thinking he'd say he didn't want to go anyway), he continued to cry and said that he wanted to come. I was stunned. There wasn't much time before the bus. I asked if he'd put in his laundry so he had free time on the weekend, and regretted asking that question as soon as it was out of my mouth - as though he were missing the weekend away with me because he didn't do his laundry. I hugged him and told him there would be other music weekends together and that I hoped he'd have a great weekend. He dried his face and walked to the bus.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
T is for Tuesday Evening
It's another beautiful Autumn day. As soon as Chef came home from school, we went for a short walk to pick up some eggs. We chatted on the way there and back. Chef said he's going to look at hair samples through a microscope in science, and that he's very glad the school has Microsoft 2010. He likes his art teacher. We continued a previous conversation about plans for Friday; I have an afternoon and an evening performance, both out of town. Chef always comes to the place where we're performing in the evening, so we've been chatting about what might and might not work as far as transportation. If he doesn't come with me during the day, he won't be able to be there for the evening and I don't have a care provider for him who can keep him as late as needed. He doesn't want to miss anything fun that might be happening at school (Excellent!! A far far cry from just a few years back when he did anything and everything possible not to go to school!) but it looks like that's what's going to have to happen. I told him we could look at it as a volunteer event for him; if he returns to playing his pennywhistle or decides to participate in performing at some point (he says he wants to sing and has been working on a specific song), then he will earn some of the money I receive for the overall performance. "Volunteering" at performances once in awhile beforehand gives him the opportunity to see what it's like to perform in different environments and he's great with seniors and seniors love him, so Friday should be a positive life experience for him, aside from missing school. We also made our supper plans. Chef has decided that gravy is awesome, so asked about gravy and potatoes with supper. We decided he'd get the potatoes going on the stove and I'll do up homemade chicken patties with gravy and apples. Once he had the potatoes going, Chef and a young neighbourhood friend picked dandelion leaves and roots for us to freeze for using in winter (http://health.msn.com/nutrition/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100256169&imageindex=13). I had to chuckle because I told Chef that it was really important to get roots but we needed lots of leaves as well. When I checked a few minutes later, the report was that they'd given up on roots because they were too difficult. "No problem," I said. "If you manage to get any roots I'll pay you for them but just focus on the leaves otherwise." A few minutes later, Chef came inside and said they had a bunch of roots ;-)
We had supper, watched a bit of a video that Chef had put in then Chef started dishes. A few minutes later, I remembered he hadn't had a rest after school so he had a rest then came down to finish dishes. He was almost finished almost an hour later, but when I checked the dishes I discovered that only two had actually been cleaned. The rest had received the ol' "wet 'n wipe" treatment. I wasn't about to have Chef continue on into the evening doing dishes (for both our sakes!) but he knows that he doesn't have free time til dishes are done so it was off for a quiet early evening in his room at 8pm. Around 8:10 I heard snoring.
Homeschool Day
This morning, Chef got up, exercised, had breakfast, washed and dressed and was ready to go in short order. We walked downtown and our first stop was watching one of the parking lots being repaved. Chef seemed very taken by it all. We talked about what steps were involved in the paving. Chef had just told me that he wondered how the new asphalt felt when one of the workers walked over with a pail and spewed water across the new surface. Chef seemed pretty impressed with the steam that rose up. We walked for awhile and chatted, took some photos, went to the bank, went to the post office to pick up some 3D glasses to watch a tv documentary Chef wanted to see about Queen Elizabeth, stopped for a tea/coffee break where Chef immediately immersed himself in reading the papers, then went over to the library. Chef researched the nutritional value and uses of dandelions, recipes, and had just started looking at WWII sites when his computer time was up. He then read for a bit before we headed back outside. We walked and took more photos and talked. Chef shared anxieties he'd been experiencing throughout the first week at school; hazing ("They talk about it every day over the intercom, so I can tell they're expecting it to happen, and I'm just a small guy so I can't protect myself if someone gets me"), crowds/noise in the hallways ("I try to walk way over to the side and try to get into a room as fast as I can"), getting lost ("I get confused and there are lots of stairs and hallways"), feeling alone and scared ("It's a really big place and I don't know what to do if I don't have an adult with me"). The school and I had been communicating through the day and Chef's resource teacher told me that Chef had also been frustrated when he couldn't independently go online in one of his classes on Thursday (being independently online is an earned privilege/responsibility in our family) and that there had been an unexpected change in EA's Thursday morning.
Chef also told me that when he goes into his room and refuses to come out, it's because he doesn't want to hurt anyone or damage anything. Wow!! Huge huge kudos went to him for his insight and self-discipline in keeping himself and his family and his environment safe all those times, and for sharing that with me!
We talked about how I had misinterpreted him being in his room as being "on strike" and trying to get "his own way" by refusing to do anything, then talked about the great self-control he's been showing and how great it was that he had communicated that to me. We also talked a bit about recognizing balance between taking time for what he needs to do for self-control and the time he needs for other things (eating, preparing for the next day, enjoying time with family and friends, hobbies, etc) and how sometimes it takes time to find that balance while still living with the natural consequences of time not waiting for what needs to be done otherwise.
Chef's support worker who usually picks him up after school now on Mondays picked him up around 1:00 and they spent the afternoon together. Chef had told me at one point that he wants to sweep the parking lot on Mondays at one of the local shops from where he's stolen. He and his support worker set that up then hung out at the library.
Chef was in great space throughout the evening. He did a couple chores (not dishes, I'm too tuckered for that today!) and completed them quickly, then watched the documentary and part of the movie (The Queen) that followed. At 9:30 he said he was too tired to stay awake anymore and went up to bed.
An all-around very nice day!
Chef also told me that when he goes into his room and refuses to come out, it's because he doesn't want to hurt anyone or damage anything. Wow!! Huge huge kudos went to him for his insight and self-discipline in keeping himself and his family and his environment safe all those times, and for sharing that with me!
We talked about how I had misinterpreted him being in his room as being "on strike" and trying to get "his own way" by refusing to do anything, then talked about the great self-control he's been showing and how great it was that he had communicated that to me. We also talked a bit about recognizing balance between taking time for what he needs to do for self-control and the time he needs for other things (eating, preparing for the next day, enjoying time with family and friends, hobbies, etc) and how sometimes it takes time to find that balance while still living with the natural consequences of time not waiting for what needs to be done otherwise.
Chef's support worker who usually picks him up after school now on Mondays picked him up around 1:00 and they spent the afternoon together. Chef had told me at one point that he wants to sweep the parking lot on Mondays at one of the local shops from where he's stolen. He and his support worker set that up then hung out at the library.
Chef was in great space throughout the evening. He did a couple chores (not dishes, I'm too tuckered for that today!) and completed them quickly, then watched the documentary and part of the movie (The Queen) that followed. At 9:30 he said he was too tired to stay awake anymore and went up to bed.
An all-around very nice day!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Turn-Around Day!!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Today has been a turn-around day. I love turn-around days.
Chores were extremely dragged out (literally all afternoon puttering with dishwashing that was started yesterday and is still not complete; we truly do not have THAT many dishes!) BUT the stairs and the front entrance floor are clean and the "on strike" phase is over. Hooray!!
Chef planned and made his lunches for the week (homemade potato patties with onions,tofu,hot chillis; sliced cucumbers; rice crackers; apple), ate two snacks, and ate two meals! There were no inappropriate verbal expressions, no inappropriate physical communications, and no disrespecting of boundaries. There were a lot of "yes, Mom" responses to reminders of what was needed to be done, and there were independently-initiated, appropriate strategies used as well.
We also spent some time talking about tomorrow. Given the weekend we've had following the first week of school and the reports of Chef's choices while not being presently able to have the supports that work best for him, I believe it is in everyone's best interest that we take a one-day-at-a-time approach to Chef being at home for the time being until the school hears back from the division regarding the requested emergency funding for full support for Chef. I talked with Chef about it this evening and we've made some plans for tomorrow. (I also called his bus driver who told me that Chef had told him he only got up a couple minutes before the bus on Thursday which was why he was getting dressed on the front step when the bus arrived. I let the bus driver know that Chef has 50 minutes to get ready every morning (including last Thursday) and has the opportunity to earn extra time by using the 50 minutes appropriately. While on the phone with the driver, I informed Chef that the driver was telling me what Chef had told him. After the call, I talked with Chef again about the importance of honesty and about his goal of what type of person he wanted to be and how he wants people to think well of him. We then talked about tomorrow's plan.) He'd like to do some WWI research online, and I'll also direct him towards some food-related research along with a related activity. We'll take the camera along and do a fall nature walk. Chef also said he wants to get back into learning how to draw and paint. Very cool. I hope he isn't just saying that because he thinks I'd like to hear that - though that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world either.
Today has been a turn-around day. I love turn-around days.
Chores were extremely dragged out (literally all afternoon puttering with dishwashing that was started yesterday and is still not complete; we truly do not have THAT many dishes!) BUT the stairs and the front entrance floor are clean and the "on strike" phase is over. Hooray!!
Chef planned and made his lunches for the week (homemade potato patties with onions,tofu,hot chillis; sliced cucumbers; rice crackers; apple), ate two snacks, and ate two meals! There were no inappropriate verbal expressions, no inappropriate physical communications, and no disrespecting of boundaries. There were a lot of "yes, Mom" responses to reminders of what was needed to be done, and there were independently-initiated, appropriate strategies used as well.
We also spent some time talking about tomorrow. Given the weekend we've had following the first week of school and the reports of Chef's choices while not being presently able to have the supports that work best for him, I believe it is in everyone's best interest that we take a one-day-at-a-time approach to Chef being at home for the time being until the school hears back from the division regarding the requested emergency funding for full support for Chef. I talked with Chef about it this evening and we've made some plans for tomorrow. (I also called his bus driver who told me that Chef had told him he only got up a couple minutes before the bus on Thursday which was why he was getting dressed on the front step when the bus arrived. I let the bus driver know that Chef has 50 minutes to get ready every morning (including last Thursday) and has the opportunity to earn extra time by using the 50 minutes appropriately. While on the phone with the driver, I informed Chef that the driver was telling me what Chef had told him. After the call, I talked with Chef again about the importance of honesty and about his goal of what type of person he wanted to be and how he wants people to think well of him. We then talked about tomorrow's plan.) He'd like to do some WWI research online, and I'll also direct him towards some food-related research along with a related activity. We'll take the camera along and do a fall nature walk. Chef also said he wants to get back into learning how to draw and paint. Very cool. I hope he isn't just saying that because he thinks I'd like to hear that - though that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world either.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
First Day of Grade 10
Day 1. Success.
What a beautiful day!
My son came off the bus and slowly walked to the door with his arms hanging down in front of him and his hands locked together with his lunchbag handle in-between. There was little, if any, expression on his face.
When he came inside, he said his now-usual, "hulLO?" It took years of teaching/prompting before my son started saying "hi" or "hello" (when he came in the door, when he saw people, when he opened the door to let someone in, anytime that would be appropriate to say hello) without being prompted so the fact that he now says it on his own is very cool.
We chatted for just a few minutes before my son had his afterschool rest. (We learned during Gr. 8 that my son still does much better in the evening if he has a rest time when he gets home from school.) He was snoring within minutes of going into his room around 3:30 and didn't wake up til almost 5:30. During supper, he talked about his day: it was nice that not all the students were there yet, he ate lunch outside on the hill with a friend who used to play Starcraft with him last year and an EA who didn't introduce himself, then had 20 minutes in each class just to get used to the schedule. "It was really neat that not everyone was there today"...."I really liked that not everyone was there today because then it wasn't so full and we got to have a different kind of day"...."Tomorrow everyone will be there so I'm glad we had today the way it was."
After supper, my son did the dishes AND his chores AND relaxed outside while he did up his "lists" to put into a small album to carry with him. (For years, I've been doing up different aids for my son to use independently so he doesn't always need so many prompts from me for everyday things - but he would always destroy them and then show anxiety/anger when he couldn't remember things but didn't want me reminding him, or would turn to me for all the many many "helps" he needed throughout the day.) One list, for example, is of the steps that are necessary in order to clean up the kitchen. Another is a list of how to get ready for school in the morning. When I went outside to see how he was doing with it, he showed me that he'd even written up a list of items he needs to replace. I'd started creating aids for my son when he was 5 and stopped when he was in Gr. 6 or 7 because he was still continuing to destroy them. It's taken many many months of discussion and natural consequences of my son having difficulties from living with his choices to get to the point where he's realizing that sometimes life is just a little bit easier/smoother with some aids. Needless to say, I was thrilled to see his decision this evening!
By 8:15, he was asking about bedtime. By 8:30 he was snoring.
What a beautiful day!
My son came off the bus and slowly walked to the door with his arms hanging down in front of him and his hands locked together with his lunchbag handle in-between. There was little, if any, expression on his face.
When he came inside, he said his now-usual, "hulLO?" It took years of teaching/prompting before my son started saying "hi" or "hello" (when he came in the door, when he saw people, when he opened the door to let someone in, anytime that would be appropriate to say hello) without being prompted so the fact that he now says it on his own is very cool.
We chatted for just a few minutes before my son had his afterschool rest. (We learned during Gr. 8 that my son still does much better in the evening if he has a rest time when he gets home from school.) He was snoring within minutes of going into his room around 3:30 and didn't wake up til almost 5:30. During supper, he talked about his day: it was nice that not all the students were there yet, he ate lunch outside on the hill with a friend who used to play Starcraft with him last year and an EA who didn't introduce himself, then had 20 minutes in each class just to get used to the schedule. "It was really neat that not everyone was there today"...."I really liked that not everyone was there today because then it wasn't so full and we got to have a different kind of day"...."Tomorrow everyone will be there so I'm glad we had today the way it was."
After supper, my son did the dishes AND his chores AND relaxed outside while he did up his "lists" to put into a small album to carry with him. (For years, I've been doing up different aids for my son to use independently so he doesn't always need so many prompts from me for everyday things - but he would always destroy them and then show anxiety/anger when he couldn't remember things but didn't want me reminding him, or would turn to me for all the many many "helps" he needed throughout the day.) One list, for example, is of the steps that are necessary in order to clean up the kitchen. Another is a list of how to get ready for school in the morning. When I went outside to see how he was doing with it, he showed me that he'd even written up a list of items he needs to replace. I'd started creating aids for my son when he was 5 and stopped when he was in Gr. 6 or 7 because he was still continuing to destroy them. It's taken many many months of discussion and natural consequences of my son having difficulties from living with his choices to get to the point where he's realizing that sometimes life is just a little bit easier/smoother with some aids. Needless to say, I was thrilled to see his decision this evening!
By 8:15, he was asking about bedtime. By 8:30 he was snoring.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Oh, the Comforts of Food
It's past midnight.
My son has made numerous trips to the washroom, accompanied by comments of "I'm sorry about taking all the sugar before" and "I'm just wondering what time it is" and "Mom, are you still awake?" (I'd like to think that he was just innocently making these comments, but he has never done that before after he has gone to bed and I now have a sense that he was actually checking to see if I was actually still awake so he could gauge what he was going to do.)
I figured the numerous bathroom trips were a result of his "Mmmm, sugar!!" choices earlier today.
I was wrong.
When I knocked on his door to say goodnight and see how he was doing, I heard some rustling but no answer. When I opened the door, my son's eyes were closed but his eyelids were sort of squinting - I suspected he wasn't at all asleep.
And then I saw it.
On his floor was a full picnic, blanket included. Apparently he'd been closing the bathroom door then sneaking food into a blanket and into his room under the guise of being in the bathroom. This isn't something new (the "pretend to be in the bathroom but actually be doing something else" plan) but he hasn't done this in years. Part of me was actually relieved to see that he had finally taken in a good amount of nutrition, given his poor eating habits as of late. I also wondered if he'd purposely targeted the food that we'd planned for his school lunches this week. His body may have been craving "good stuff" to balance out the sugar he'd earlier ingested or the sugar was effecting him to the point of "needing" more to eat and/or the "school is starting this week" is coming to light in the area of food. And though food-sneaking/gobbling is definitely a less-than-ideal coping mechanism, I'd rather that than the "behavioural meltdowns" of yore.
So there it was, a blanket with some of the food that was going to be used in his lunches we'd planned together for his first few days at his new school: a half-eaten basket of pears, a basket of peaches, empty bones from leftover chicken, and a package of rice crackers with only a couple missing. There was also a bottle of mustard (half-empty) and a bottle of salad dressing (empty). Oh, and a box of animal cookies from my daughter's room; empty.
I hope he sleeps through the night.
My son has made numerous trips to the washroom, accompanied by comments of "I'm sorry about taking all the sugar before" and "I'm just wondering what time it is" and "Mom, are you still awake?" (I'd like to think that he was just innocently making these comments, but he has never done that before after he has gone to bed and I now have a sense that he was actually checking to see if I was actually still awake so he could gauge what he was going to do.)
I figured the numerous bathroom trips were a result of his "Mmmm, sugar!!" choices earlier today.
I was wrong.
When I knocked on his door to say goodnight and see how he was doing, I heard some rustling but no answer. When I opened the door, my son's eyes were closed but his eyelids were sort of squinting - I suspected he wasn't at all asleep.
And then I saw it.
On his floor was a full picnic, blanket included. Apparently he'd been closing the bathroom door then sneaking food into a blanket and into his room under the guise of being in the bathroom. This isn't something new (the "pretend to be in the bathroom but actually be doing something else" plan) but he hasn't done this in years. Part of me was actually relieved to see that he had finally taken in a good amount of nutrition, given his poor eating habits as of late. I also wondered if he'd purposely targeted the food that we'd planned for his school lunches this week. His body may have been craving "good stuff" to balance out the sugar he'd earlier ingested or the sugar was effecting him to the point of "needing" more to eat and/or the "school is starting this week" is coming to light in the area of food. And though food-sneaking/gobbling is definitely a less-than-ideal coping mechanism, I'd rather that than the "behavioural meltdowns" of yore.
So there it was, a blanket with some of the food that was going to be used in his lunches we'd planned together for his first few days at his new school: a half-eaten basket of pears, a basket of peaches, empty bones from leftover chicken, and a package of rice crackers with only a couple missing. There was also a bottle of mustard (half-empty) and a bottle of salad dressing (empty). Oh, and a box of animal cookies from my daughter's room; empty.
I hope he sleeps through the night.
Summer, 2010
The air is crisp with the promise of Autumn. Did someone famous already write that? I have no idea; I just know that the sky is clear, I've heard both ravens and crows today, and there is a crisp breeze nudging the branches of the evergreen tree outside my window.
School starts in two days. I'm still amazed that my son isn't damaging objects or himself in an attempt to make it all go away. At this very moment, he is doing one of his favourite activities in the world; cooking. He is singing and boiling eggs and looking forward to spending the rest of the afternoon learning how to do up different mayos/sauces. We might still go hiking later.
My mind has been reviewing the summer and comparing it to some of the "let's do" ideas we'd come up with before the summer holidays started. Camping? Check. Go-Karting? Was planned for the week we were in the city but was missed out on in exchange for sleeping by my teenaged son. Spending time by the river? See above. Picnics? We had two, and are planning to squeeze in more before the cold weather sets in. Birthday? Yes! My son helped prepare for and attended an at-home birthday party this year!
Summer, 2010
-Camping for a week with extended family
-Spent a week house-sitting and performing/volunteering at large cultural event in the city
-Some geocaching
-Apple-picking
-Attended our local Fringe festival's outdoor performances, an indoor venue, and a couple galleries
-Attended a local outdoor concert
-Time with new nieces/grandbabies
-Started collecting supplies for homemade Christmas gifts for our "no-buy Christmas"
-Cooking. Lots of cooking. See below.
One of our plans for the summer was to increase my son's food-prep repertoire. We succeeded.
Cooking/food-prep is an area we both enjoy. I love coming up with new ideas in the kitchen, and my son loves the hands-on experience of the actual creations.
This summer, we've - well, you can see for yourself! My food blog is at http://www.findthesimplefoods.blogspot.com/
Today we're aiming to work on homemade, flavoured mayos and exploring what else we can do with rice paper....
School starts in two days. I'm still amazed that my son isn't damaging objects or himself in an attempt to make it all go away. At this very moment, he is doing one of his favourite activities in the world; cooking. He is singing and boiling eggs and looking forward to spending the rest of the afternoon learning how to do up different mayos/sauces. We might still go hiking later.
My mind has been reviewing the summer and comparing it to some of the "let's do" ideas we'd come up with before the summer holidays started. Camping? Check. Go-Karting? Was planned for the week we were in the city but was missed out on in exchange for sleeping by my teenaged son. Spending time by the river? See above. Picnics? We had two, and are planning to squeeze in more before the cold weather sets in. Birthday? Yes! My son helped prepare for and attended an at-home birthday party this year!
Summer, 2010
-Camping for a week with extended family
-Spent a week house-sitting and performing/volunteering at large cultural event in the city
-Some geocaching
-Apple-picking
-Attended our local Fringe festival's outdoor performances, an indoor venue, and a couple galleries
-Attended a local outdoor concert
-Time with new nieces/grandbabies
-Started collecting supplies for homemade Christmas gifts for our "no-buy Christmas"
-Cooking. Lots of cooking. See below.
One of our plans for the summer was to increase my son's food-prep repertoire. We succeeded.
Cooking/food-prep is an area we both enjoy. I love coming up with new ideas in the kitchen, and my son loves the hands-on experience of the actual creations.
This summer, we've - well, you can see for yourself! My food blog is at http://www.findthesimplefoods.blogspot.com/
Today we're aiming to work on homemade, flavoured mayos and exploring what else we can do with rice paper....
Planning for the Future
My son and I have had many conversations about his goals and dreams for his future. Up til he was about 6 years old, he wanted to be a firetruck. From about 5 to 9 years of age, he wanted to be a speed bump. He explained to his mental health worker and I that being a speed bump would be great because he'd get to feel heavy tires run over him. We explored this further with him and decided to view it as sensory-based.
For many years, my son talked about being a spy. It's unclear as to whether or not he actually believed himself to be one or hoped to someday be one, but he prided himself on his ability to "watch people when they don't know I'm watching" and to "do things when people don't know I'm doing them."
About two years ago, I started initiating discussions with my son regarding his future. He very much resisted such discussions at first, but as I continued to explore and discuss his interests with him he began to hesitantly participate. (When he was younger, my son refused/argued/ tantrummed over positive comments about him and directed towards him. I continued anyway, as did his some of the folks on his support team. Today, he seems to be unable to keep himself from responding with a shy smile or goofy grin when someone says something good about him.) As the process continued, my son arrived to where he is today; coming up with ideas that interest him and figuring out how they could realistically work for his future.
Following are some of his ideas, and the challenges he is trying to figure out in order to implement the idea:
-University: too many crowds and loud noises in classrooms/dorm
-Chef: crowds/noise, often forgets to turn off stove/oven at home, hygiene
-Computer: "Mom, did you know people get paid to test out computer games?" Is great on computers at school; working towards how that might fit into his future
-Homebased Business: wants to sell items he has made, but realistically doesn't want to put time/energy into making items
-Marine: challenges with decision-making, relating to people, focus, etc.
-Performer: is connected to many folks in the arts community and talks about maybe wanting to perform someday and has had many opportunities but often doesn't want to; doesn't want to put in time/energy into preparation; and "What if I'm too tired that day?"
-Entrepeneur: would like to someday have his own restaurant or cafe but crowds/noise level/training, etc. are again all challenges in this area
-Weeder/Grass-cutter: noise if yardowner wants power-mower used instead of rotary mower; dealing with public/ communicating clearly with yardowners
The journey continues!
For many years, my son talked about being a spy. It's unclear as to whether or not he actually believed himself to be one or hoped to someday be one, but he prided himself on his ability to "watch people when they don't know I'm watching" and to "do things when people don't know I'm doing them."
About two years ago, I started initiating discussions with my son regarding his future. He very much resisted such discussions at first, but as I continued to explore and discuss his interests with him he began to hesitantly participate. (When he was younger, my son refused/argued/ tantrummed over positive comments about him and directed towards him. I continued anyway, as did his some of the folks on his support team. Today, he seems to be unable to keep himself from responding with a shy smile or goofy grin when someone says something good about him.) As the process continued, my son arrived to where he is today; coming up with ideas that interest him and figuring out how they could realistically work for his future.
Following are some of his ideas, and the challenges he is trying to figure out in order to implement the idea:
-University: too many crowds and loud noises in classrooms/dorm
-Chef: crowds/noise, often forgets to turn off stove/oven at home, hygiene
-Computer: "Mom, did you know people get paid to test out computer games?" Is great on computers at school; working towards how that might fit into his future
-Homebased Business: wants to sell items he has made, but realistically doesn't want to put time/energy into making items
-Marine: challenges with decision-making, relating to people, focus, etc.
-Performer: is connected to many folks in the arts community and talks about maybe wanting to perform someday and has had many opportunities but often doesn't want to; doesn't want to put in time/energy into preparation; and "What if I'm too tired that day?"
-Entrepeneur: would like to someday have his own restaurant or cafe but crowds/noise level/training, etc. are again all challenges in this area
-Weeder/Grass-cutter: noise if yardowner wants power-mower used instead of rotary mower; dealing with public/ communicating clearly with yardowners
The journey continues!
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