July 25, 2011
Two hours.
Two hours of an outside, "all is not well" show in our yard we share with neighbours - a yard easily viewed by numerous passersby, many of whom were of particular interest to Chef who seemed sure that if he complained loudly enough, some of them might rescue him from having to deal with the attitude he'd given his mom after being reminded that he needed to clean up what he'd left on the stove. He believed he'd cleaned it up - the smoke coming from burner indicated otherwise, and I was the messenger.
And just this morning I was telling someone that things were going well. And they are, for the most part. There have been some amazing happenings this summer, and no major tantrums (loosely defined as yelling and/or swearing and throwing things and not participating in de-escalating, etc). Everything is relative.
One of the things I've started to notice is that whenever I take Chef to see a movie (I'd taken him Saturday evening, the night before last), there are a couple of days when he is somewhat off, starting either the next day or the day after; sometimes it shows in easily-triggered anger/frustration such as today (though easily-triggered anger/frustration are definitely not limited to such days; it's not uncommon for Chef to turn to angry blame when something he's done or hasn't done doesn't work out), sometimes it shows in not wanting to do much of anything at all for a couple of days, sometimes it shows in other ways. But it's just starting to nudge my radar that it's been happening after we go out to see a movie. My daughter and I have also started to notice that it's starting to happen on Sundays or Mondays prior to the Tuesday evenings that Chef spends with his sister.
Within minutes of the yard-show ending, Chef was singing and happily preparing supper. I was worn out. We sat on the deck and I played guitar and sang for a bit, then we came inside. Chef is now alternating between singing and reading in his room and I'm relaxing in mine. I think I'll put in a movie.
******************
This week, Chef has been great with getting his chores dones and tossing his laundry in on his own, all without reminders. He has also been asking everyday if he can prepare meals. He's been great with his nieces, was a great help in preparing for the local farmers' market, and one day he offered to carry numerous items home from the thrift shop. When I asked why he would want to carry so much instead of dividing everything between us as usual, his response was, "If I carry most of it, maybe you'll let me cook supper." Wow.
As an aside, I do have some mixed feelings on the cooking front. I thoroughly enjoy the meals Chef prepares - it's like a celebration of the skills we've crafted together in his life, it feels good for me when Chef prepares supper at the end of a day that has had its moments due to Chef's choices and/or "behaviours", it feels nice to have Chef giving to his family by cooking, and...well, he loves cooking! At some point somewhere along the line, I'd read that it's not good for children with unhealthy attachment to prepare their own food because it removes a sense of "my parent will provide for me" and feeds their sense of fending for themself, in addition to giving them an unhealthy sense of power over the parent and removing an area in which the parent can be further building attachment. I wish I could remember where I'd read/heard that. It does make sense. It also makes sense to let Chef prepare meals on his own for the reasons mentioned above. Some might even say it makes sense to allow Chef to prepare meals as a reward....hmmmm.
Showing posts with label arnd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label arnd. Show all posts
Monday, July 25, 2011
Friday, July 15, 2011
Work Experience and Building Community
July 15, 2011
The idea for this summer has been to set up Chef with various volunteer positions. This continues Chef's understanding of the importance of building community, allows more people in Chef's community to get to know him, and provides work experience for Chef.
Our local library, thrift shop, and arts center all have volunteer opportunities. Chef already has some volunteer experience in visiting with seniors, helping out at local community events for newcomers through the local Immigration Services program, and helping out with events for adults living with disabilities. So far, Chef has always had me alongside supporting him while volunteering. I am partially hopeful that perhaps we'll be able to find a volunteer opportunity where Chef can be on his own amongst other volunteers/staff, at least for part of a day.
This past week we've been volunteering at the local arts center. They run a day camp for young children. Chef attended the day camp when he was younger, but never actually made it through an entire week. This past week, he spent over 5 hours preparing crafts one day and helped with crafts, games, various arts activities, and supervision for 2 full days plus one afternoon. With me by his side, Chef was very helpful with cleaning up, took direction well from the day camp coordinator, and needed frequent reminders that he wasn't there as a camper to play. Without me there at his side, Chef very much seemed to view himself as a camper and even had a moment or two when he disrupted activities by engaging other kids in playing something other than what they needed to be doing at the time. By his last volunteer day there this week, Chef's leadership skills had shifted to pointing at a child followed by, "Hey! Hey hey hey! Nuh-uh! I said no!" Maybe time will bring a sense of balance.
Next week, we're planning to spend only one or two afternoons at the arts center - this past week took a bit more energy than I could afford, and left little for what was still required for evenings at home. Tomorrow we're planning to ask at the thrift shop about volunteer opportunities, and next week we'll look into what's available at the library.
Chef has also been working on figuring out what he can create to sell online, and has been spending time with a few books(autism and history) as well as one of the guitars. In fact, until we get the window issue dealt with, Chef has been singing and/or playing guitar in his room at bedtime until he is too tired to stay awake. (Now we just need to figure out the mornings.) This evening he made supper (ground chicken mini-burgers, mashed sweet potato, steamed asparagus), asked if he could please do chores tonight so he could spend time playing with one of his nieces this weekend, and asked if we could watch a movie together. Very cool.
**Umm - Chef just brought my laundry upstairs (on hangers even!) because he wants to get his clothes into the dryer and mine were done. Nothing like this has happened before. Ever. "Wow!" seems like a drastic understatement.
The idea for this summer has been to set up Chef with various volunteer positions. This continues Chef's understanding of the importance of building community, allows more people in Chef's community to get to know him, and provides work experience for Chef.
Our local library, thrift shop, and arts center all have volunteer opportunities. Chef already has some volunteer experience in visiting with seniors, helping out at local community events for newcomers through the local Immigration Services program, and helping out with events for adults living with disabilities. So far, Chef has always had me alongside supporting him while volunteering. I am partially hopeful that perhaps we'll be able to find a volunteer opportunity where Chef can be on his own amongst other volunteers/staff, at least for part of a day.
This past week we've been volunteering at the local arts center. They run a day camp for young children. Chef attended the day camp when he was younger, but never actually made it through an entire week. This past week, he spent over 5 hours preparing crafts one day and helped with crafts, games, various arts activities, and supervision for 2 full days plus one afternoon. With me by his side, Chef was very helpful with cleaning up, took direction well from the day camp coordinator, and needed frequent reminders that he wasn't there as a camper to play. Without me there at his side, Chef very much seemed to view himself as a camper and even had a moment or two when he disrupted activities by engaging other kids in playing something other than what they needed to be doing at the time. By his last volunteer day there this week, Chef's leadership skills had shifted to pointing at a child followed by, "Hey! Hey hey hey! Nuh-uh! I said no!" Maybe time will bring a sense of balance.
Next week, we're planning to spend only one or two afternoons at the arts center - this past week took a bit more energy than I could afford, and left little for what was still required for evenings at home. Tomorrow we're planning to ask at the thrift shop about volunteer opportunities, and next week we'll look into what's available at the library.
Chef has also been working on figuring out what he can create to sell online, and has been spending time with a few books(autism and history) as well as one of the guitars. In fact, until we get the window issue dealt with, Chef has been singing and/or playing guitar in his room at bedtime until he is too tired to stay awake. (Now we just need to figure out the mornings.) This evening he made supper (ground chicken mini-burgers, mashed sweet potato, steamed asparagus), asked if he could please do chores tonight so he could spend time playing with one of his nieces this weekend, and asked if we could watch a movie together. Very cool.
**Umm - Chef just brought my laundry upstairs (on hangers even!) because he wants to get his clothes into the dryer and mine were done. Nothing like this has happened before. Ever. "Wow!" seems like a drastic understatement.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Ah, Summer
Today is Chef's official last day of Grade 10.
It's also party day at school and a festival weekend where we live. Both of these could cause the next few days to go either way, but I think I remember Chef enjoying last years town festival so hopefully that and the school party will help in getting Chef past the upcoming exam week.
Chef has been quite quiet the last few days other than regular comments about his EA going to Africa, exam week coming up, and how cool all the video games are at school. He's been wearing his bathrobe inside-out all week, even with reminders, and it is already showing signs of wear and tear even though he's only been using it a week or two. Hygiene prompts have fallen on deaf ears, and the same outfit has been worn for a week. Chef seems more tired than usual and has been sneezing.
When I asked him what he was looking forward to most about summer holidays, he first shrugged and said he didn't know. When reminded to take some time to think about the question before answering, he paused then said, "The quiet." When I asked him for more details, he said he was looking forward to not having to hear noise all day at school.
With Chef's recent interest in reading books about Autism (after watching the Temple Grandin and RainMan movies), I'm hoping his interest will continue through summer. We have tons of books in our house (though I'm trying to minimize!), including many on the medieval era (another area of interest for Chef, though he's recently developed more of an interest in greek mythology), nature, trivial facts, and various diagnoses, etc. Chef's an avid reader, but he didn't do much reading at all last summer (possibly due to my offer to pay him money for any 2 or 3 page book reports he would do on books he'd read). I'm also hoping he'll go back to strumming/experimenting on the guitar - something he was willingly doing outside last year til neighbourhood kids asked him why he was doing that. We'll try some visual art again this summer, probably focusing on watercolours since he did a cool watercolour piece before Christmas. We also have our deck plants and a plot in the community garden, and Chef's usually-eagerly-embraced role is to look for good shots when we go on photography walks.
There is a family who has signed on to do once-a-month weekend respite, but nothing's happened with that since the first weekend Chef went there at the end of April, and we haven't heard from them nor have they returned calls from Chef's worker. My married daughter and her husband usually provide 4 hours of evening respite every other week, but they will be moving to another town in summer. Finding respite providers has always been a challenge. When I worked with Community Living, there were some staff who would have been great with/for Chef, but they weren't interested in taking on respite in addition to their shifts. I'm so very thankful for the respite funding that is in place - hopefully we'll be able to find providers to match.
It's also party day at school and a festival weekend where we live. Both of these could cause the next few days to go either way, but I think I remember Chef enjoying last years town festival so hopefully that and the school party will help in getting Chef past the upcoming exam week.
Chef has been quite quiet the last few days other than regular comments about his EA going to Africa, exam week coming up, and how cool all the video games are at school. He's been wearing his bathrobe inside-out all week, even with reminders, and it is already showing signs of wear and tear even though he's only been using it a week or two. Hygiene prompts have fallen on deaf ears, and the same outfit has been worn for a week. Chef seems more tired than usual and has been sneezing.
When I asked him what he was looking forward to most about summer holidays, he first shrugged and said he didn't know. When reminded to take some time to think about the question before answering, he paused then said, "The quiet." When I asked him for more details, he said he was looking forward to not having to hear noise all day at school.
With Chef's recent interest in reading books about Autism (after watching the Temple Grandin and RainMan movies), I'm hoping his interest will continue through summer. We have tons of books in our house (though I'm trying to minimize!), including many on the medieval era (another area of interest for Chef, though he's recently developed more of an interest in greek mythology), nature, trivial facts, and various diagnoses, etc. Chef's an avid reader, but he didn't do much reading at all last summer (possibly due to my offer to pay him money for any 2 or 3 page book reports he would do on books he'd read). I'm also hoping he'll go back to strumming/experimenting on the guitar - something he was willingly doing outside last year til neighbourhood kids asked him why he was doing that. We'll try some visual art again this summer, probably focusing on watercolours since he did a cool watercolour piece before Christmas. We also have our deck plants and a plot in the community garden, and Chef's usually-eagerly-embraced role is to look for good shots when we go on photography walks.
There is a family who has signed on to do once-a-month weekend respite, but nothing's happened with that since the first weekend Chef went there at the end of April, and we haven't heard from them nor have they returned calls from Chef's worker. My married daughter and her husband usually provide 4 hours of evening respite every other week, but they will be moving to another town in summer. Finding respite providers has always been a challenge. When I worked with Community Living, there were some staff who would have been great with/for Chef, but they weren't interested in taking on respite in addition to their shifts. I'm so very thankful for the respite funding that is in place - hopefully we'll be able to find providers to match.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Lunch at Last!
June 9, 2011
Morning:
Chef took his lunch to school! And an entire lunch at that - stew, a mango, a grapefruit. He also picked up a loaf of bread and had intended to take that as well then put it down when he was reminded to take only some of the loaf and to wrap it or put it in a container.
I asked Chef why he hadn't changed his shirt yet this week. "Because I didn't have a bath last night." The schoolbus was already waiting, so I didn't continue the conversation at that point but I'll be exploring that statement with Chef tonight to find out what he meant. Maybe Chef's understanding of putting on a clean shirt after having a bath means the ONLY time you put on a clean shirt is after having a bath. Hmmm.
Partway through the morning I received a text from Chef's EA asking about Chef's glasses because Chef had told his EA that I wouldn't let him have them. I have two thoughts on this - either he's doing his usual and blaming me for his actions and/or choices OR he's confusing the conversations regarding his old glasses, which are to now stay home (though he knows his new glasses are to be at school and he's had numerous reminders to take them there).
This weekend a friend has offered to take us along for a tour of various artists' studios. As often happens regarding such events, I'm torn. As Chef's Mom, I know this would be a beneficial opportunity for him and would create some positive memories in his life. But also as Chef's Mom, it sure would be nice to have some time alone with friends and just focus on myself for a change during an event...shockingly, even with the way Chef has behaved her lately, my neighbour has offered to take Chef for the day so I could have the day to myself. The catch is, that as relaxing as that sounds, I have a sense that I'd be waiting all day for the phonecall saying Chef had run off from her place or was causing problems for her, and that I'd be dealing with his anger all the next day. On the other hand, there is never a guarantee that Chef will go along somewhere. The only thing for certain right now is that I won't be telling Chef anything until Friday evening or possibly Saturday morning because there's always a strong risk that Chef will "act out" if he knows in advance that we're going somewhere new or there's a change in his general routine. Right now, though, I'm definitely leaning towards bringing him along on the studio tour and hoping that the memories from that day will make it all worthwhile.
I've been looking for volunteers for this summer; folks who would be willing to commit to spending at least one hour a week with Chef to take him to the park or swimming, etc. I've put a request on Facebook and have sent emails to the local colleges. My hope is that having different people doing different activities with him throughout the summer would help Chef continue to grow in his social skills and accept a broader variety of people in his life, as well as provide a bit of respite time. It would definitely be of benefit to students who are studying in certain fields, and volunteer opportunities are always good for community-building. We sure haven't had much success in finding individuals to work with Chef otherwise, but I'm hoping that an hour a week will be do-able for some folks who are community-minded.
Morning:
Chef took his lunch to school! And an entire lunch at that - stew, a mango, a grapefruit. He also picked up a loaf of bread and had intended to take that as well then put it down when he was reminded to take only some of the loaf and to wrap it or put it in a container.
I asked Chef why he hadn't changed his shirt yet this week. "Because I didn't have a bath last night." The schoolbus was already waiting, so I didn't continue the conversation at that point but I'll be exploring that statement with Chef tonight to find out what he meant. Maybe Chef's understanding of putting on a clean shirt after having a bath means the ONLY time you put on a clean shirt is after having a bath. Hmmm.
Partway through the morning I received a text from Chef's EA asking about Chef's glasses because Chef had told his EA that I wouldn't let him have them. I have two thoughts on this - either he's doing his usual and blaming me for his actions and/or choices OR he's confusing the conversations regarding his old glasses, which are to now stay home (though he knows his new glasses are to be at school and he's had numerous reminders to take them there).
This weekend a friend has offered to take us along for a tour of various artists' studios. As often happens regarding such events, I'm torn. As Chef's Mom, I know this would be a beneficial opportunity for him and would create some positive memories in his life. But also as Chef's Mom, it sure would be nice to have some time alone with friends and just focus on myself for a change during an event...shockingly, even with the way Chef has behaved her lately, my neighbour has offered to take Chef for the day so I could have the day to myself. The catch is, that as relaxing as that sounds, I have a sense that I'd be waiting all day for the phonecall saying Chef had run off from her place or was causing problems for her, and that I'd be dealing with his anger all the next day. On the other hand, there is never a guarantee that Chef will go along somewhere. The only thing for certain right now is that I won't be telling Chef anything until Friday evening or possibly Saturday morning because there's always a strong risk that Chef will "act out" if he knows in advance that we're going somewhere new or there's a change in his general routine. Right now, though, I'm definitely leaning towards bringing him along on the studio tour and hoping that the memories from that day will make it all worthwhile.
I've been looking for volunteers for this summer; folks who would be willing to commit to spending at least one hour a week with Chef to take him to the park or swimming, etc. I've put a request on Facebook and have sent emails to the local colleges. My hope is that having different people doing different activities with him throughout the summer would help Chef continue to grow in his social skills and accept a broader variety of people in his life, as well as provide a bit of respite time. It would definitely be of benefit to students who are studying in certain fields, and volunteer opportunities are always good for community-building. We sure haven't had much success in finding individuals to work with Chef otherwise, but I'm hoping that an hour a week will be do-able for some folks who are community-minded.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Morning Brain
June 8, 2011
Today was Day #3 of Chef going to school without his lunch. He's back to waiting til the very last minute to get ready for the bus regardless of how much or how little time he has in the morning. He has lunch servings of one of his favourite stews frozen in the kitchen freezer and there are baskets of fruit on the table/counter. There are days when I've even removed the stew from the freezer and set it out with fruit for him to pick up and reminded him to take his lunch - and yet it is still sitting in the same place as he makes his mad dash out the door once the bus arrives. (There are many times that Chef does bring his lunch. In fact, there are many times that Chef prepares his own lunches AND brings them to school. Other times - well, not so much. Lately, the most consistency there's been with lunches going out the door and breakfast being eaten has been on mornings when I have put Chef's lunch and a portable breakfast item outside for Chef. And while that "works" as far as ensuring he's getting food into his belly, it doesn't work when it comes to supporting independence.) When I've asked what he's been eating for lunch, he says he hasn't been eating anything but his school staff has told me other times that when Chef doesn't bring his lunch, other kids share with him. This is the first year when that's been ok with a school - this is also the first year that Chef hasn't been sneaking food from other students' lunches regardless of whether or not he has his own lunch. This morning, Chef grabbed a mango and an orange on his way out the door.
During the past weekend, Chef found his new glasses that he'd misplaced shortly after receiving them. They look so nice on him! I reminded him to bring his broken glasses home from school on Monday so he could trade and have his broken glasses at home and his nice new ones at school. Chef did great - brought his old glasses home on Monday! His new glasses, however, continue to sit in the front hallway about 3-4 feet from the door. I asked him again this evening how things are going at school without glasses (terribly!) and reminded him again that he needs to bring his glasses to school.
We had an incredible storm last night, complete with lightning, hail, and very loud thunder. Chef and I were out chatting with a neighbour earlier this evening and she asked Chef if the storm had woken him. Chef shrugged and said he'd slept through it. I smiled and reminded Chef that it wasn't long ago when a storm like that would have had him screaming and panicking.
It's definitely nice to look back and see so much growth over the years.
Today was Day #3 of Chef going to school without his lunch. He's back to waiting til the very last minute to get ready for the bus regardless of how much or how little time he has in the morning. He has lunch servings of one of his favourite stews frozen in the kitchen freezer and there are baskets of fruit on the table/counter. There are days when I've even removed the stew from the freezer and set it out with fruit for him to pick up and reminded him to take his lunch - and yet it is still sitting in the same place as he makes his mad dash out the door once the bus arrives. (There are many times that Chef does bring his lunch. In fact, there are many times that Chef prepares his own lunches AND brings them to school. Other times - well, not so much. Lately, the most consistency there's been with lunches going out the door and breakfast being eaten has been on mornings when I have put Chef's lunch and a portable breakfast item outside for Chef. And while that "works" as far as ensuring he's getting food into his belly, it doesn't work when it comes to supporting independence.) When I've asked what he's been eating for lunch, he says he hasn't been eating anything but his school staff has told me other times that when Chef doesn't bring his lunch, other kids share with him. This is the first year when that's been ok with a school - this is also the first year that Chef hasn't been sneaking food from other students' lunches regardless of whether or not he has his own lunch. This morning, Chef grabbed a mango and an orange on his way out the door.
During the past weekend, Chef found his new glasses that he'd misplaced shortly after receiving them. They look so nice on him! I reminded him to bring his broken glasses home from school on Monday so he could trade and have his broken glasses at home and his nice new ones at school. Chef did great - brought his old glasses home on Monday! His new glasses, however, continue to sit in the front hallway about 3-4 feet from the door. I asked him again this evening how things are going at school without glasses (terribly!) and reminded him again that he needs to bring his glasses to school.
We had an incredible storm last night, complete with lightning, hail, and very loud thunder. Chef and I were out chatting with a neighbour earlier this evening and she asked Chef if the storm had woken him. Chef shrugged and said he'd slept through it. I smiled and reminded Chef that it wasn't long ago when a storm like that would have had him screaming and panicking.
It's definitely nice to look back and see so much growth over the years.
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service?
June 8, 2011
Chef came home from school in good space yesterday. He usually has a rest time when he gets home and yesterday was no exception - snoring was heard in short order and there were no other sounds from Chef's room for nearly 2 hours. Chef came into the kitchen wearing just a shirt; a long-sleeved, button-up shirt that covered
"everything" well, but just a shirt nonetheless. I raised my eyebrows.
"Really? Is wearing just a shirt appropriate?"
"I can't find my shorts for at home" (because Chef is back down to just one pair of pants, he has a pair of shorts that he changes into when he comes home from school and has been using them as pyjamas as well)
"You can't find them?"
"I left them at school."
"Should they have gone to school?"
"No."
"Tell me what should have happened this morning."
"I should have gotten dressed before the bus came."
"What do you need to do now?"
"Put on my robe."
"Quickly. Then we'll do supper on the deck."
I went into the washroom and when I came out I noticed Chef's robe still on the living room chair but I knew I'd heard the back door. Sure enough, when I glanced out, there was Chef sitting on a chair on the deck, eating. Shirt only.
"Is this appropriate?"
"Um. No. I was hungry."
"I don't want your bare bottom on one of my chairs. Get off the chair immediately and get your robe."
I came inside without closing the door behind me, thinking Chef was following. He wasn't. I glanced back out the window and saw him sitting on the deck, eating.
"What did we just talk about that you need to do?"
"Um. Get my robe?"
"Exactly. Get your robe on. Find your focus or your willingness to do what you need to do, whatever it is you need to find to move on appropriately with your evening, find it now."
Chef stood up and started doing some jumping jacks.
"I don't want to see your penis when I look out the window, and the folks across the way sure don't need a show. Come inside, put on your robe, find your focus."
Thump.Thump.Thump. Chef was now doing jumping jacks with his shirt tucked between his legs.
"Dude! To your room. Immediately."
"I'll look dumb in a robe!"
"To your room."
As Chef walked past the living room chair, he glanced down at his robe and said, "Oh, there it is."
When Chef was called down a few minutes later, he immediately put on his robe.
Chef remained in good space the rest of the evening. At one point, he asked again whether we're going to any music performances this summer, chatted again about how his EA is leaving for Africa, we talked a bit about again at how surprised I was that he hadn't wanted to finish a can of iced tea the other day because it was too sweet for him. When Chef started dishes, I went up to see how things were in his room since the ripped-open lining of the armchair and books had been discovered. The concern was that the neighbour thought that the first item Chef had thrown onto her deck was likely a screw or something along those lines. I'd noticed awhile back that Chef had removed a couple of the nails out of the back of his computer desk. And he'd started more toenail collections. All in all, time to do a safety check.
And there they were - little piles of staples that had been removed from the underside of the armchair. The chair's been in Chef's room for over a month, I think, and the lining was just torn open within the past week. The staples will have been removed within the last two days. I'm still not sure when Chef will have taken the pile of books upstairs, nor how he got them home without any of us noticing. I do know that he's sometimes done such in stages; hidden something outside then stealthily brought it inside at some point and hidden it somewhere else, etc. Sometimes he's even forgotten about items he's hidden. I don't usually watch Chef walk from the bus anymore, and there have been a couple of days here and there when my daughter has been home when Chef has arrived at home, so there are possibilities there for stolen books to make their way into the house. Chef always does "a check" before going up to his room, but not always when he is going upstairs under the guise of cleaning the upstairs bathroom so there's that possibility. Hmmm.
At any rate, it's clearly no longer safe for the chair to be in Chef's room. He brought it downstairs and took it out to the trash, along with the remainder of the nails I'd pulled out from his computer desk.
And with that, we called it an early night and Chef was soon snoring upstairs.
Chef came home from school in good space yesterday. He usually has a rest time when he gets home and yesterday was no exception - snoring was heard in short order and there were no other sounds from Chef's room for nearly 2 hours. Chef came into the kitchen wearing just a shirt; a long-sleeved, button-up shirt that covered
"everything" well, but just a shirt nonetheless. I raised my eyebrows.
"Really? Is wearing just a shirt appropriate?"
"I can't find my shorts for at home" (because Chef is back down to just one pair of pants, he has a pair of shorts that he changes into when he comes home from school and has been using them as pyjamas as well)
"You can't find them?"
"I left them at school."
"Should they have gone to school?"
"No."
"Tell me what should have happened this morning."
"I should have gotten dressed before the bus came."
"What do you need to do now?"
"Put on my robe."
"Quickly. Then we'll do supper on the deck."
I went into the washroom and when I came out I noticed Chef's robe still on the living room chair but I knew I'd heard the back door. Sure enough, when I glanced out, there was Chef sitting on a chair on the deck, eating. Shirt only.
"Is this appropriate?"
"Um. No. I was hungry."
"I don't want your bare bottom on one of my chairs. Get off the chair immediately and get your robe."
I came inside without closing the door behind me, thinking Chef was following. He wasn't. I glanced back out the window and saw him sitting on the deck, eating.
"What did we just talk about that you need to do?"
"Um. Get my robe?"
"Exactly. Get your robe on. Find your focus or your willingness to do what you need to do, whatever it is you need to find to move on appropriately with your evening, find it now."
Chef stood up and started doing some jumping jacks.
"I don't want to see your penis when I look out the window, and the folks across the way sure don't need a show. Come inside, put on your robe, find your focus."
Thump.Thump.Thump. Chef was now doing jumping jacks with his shirt tucked between his legs.
"Dude! To your room. Immediately."
"I'll look dumb in a robe!"
"To your room."
As Chef walked past the living room chair, he glanced down at his robe and said, "Oh, there it is."
When Chef was called down a few minutes later, he immediately put on his robe.
Chef remained in good space the rest of the evening. At one point, he asked again whether we're going to any music performances this summer, chatted again about how his EA is leaving for Africa, we talked a bit about again at how surprised I was that he hadn't wanted to finish a can of iced tea the other day because it was too sweet for him. When Chef started dishes, I went up to see how things were in his room since the ripped-open lining of the armchair and books had been discovered. The concern was that the neighbour thought that the first item Chef had thrown onto her deck was likely a screw or something along those lines. I'd noticed awhile back that Chef had removed a couple of the nails out of the back of his computer desk. And he'd started more toenail collections. All in all, time to do a safety check.
And there they were - little piles of staples that had been removed from the underside of the armchair. The chair's been in Chef's room for over a month, I think, and the lining was just torn open within the past week. The staples will have been removed within the last two days. I'm still not sure when Chef will have taken the pile of books upstairs, nor how he got them home without any of us noticing. I do know that he's sometimes done such in stages; hidden something outside then stealthily brought it inside at some point and hidden it somewhere else, etc. Sometimes he's even forgotten about items he's hidden. I don't usually watch Chef walk from the bus anymore, and there have been a couple of days here and there when my daughter has been home when Chef has arrived at home, so there are possibilities there for stolen books to make their way into the house. Chef always does "a check" before going up to his room, but not always when he is going upstairs under the guise of cleaning the upstairs bathroom so there's that possibility. Hmmm.
At any rate, it's clearly no longer safe for the chair to be in Chef's room. He brought it downstairs and took it out to the trash, along with the remainder of the nails I'd pulled out from his computer desk.
And with that, we called it an early night and Chef was soon snoring upstairs.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Books
June 6, 2011
Chef's bedroom is fairly empty
Right now, it contains a computer desk (which is slowly being taken apart), a mattress, what is left of the bench from when the piano keyboard was in Chef's room, an upholstered armchair, and a laminated map which Chef keeps on the floor beside his mattress.
After years of continuing to attempt to create a nice space for Chef and then attempting to help Chef create a nice space only to have numerous items just not last very long within those four walls, Chef stated that he feels better with nothing in his room. Kudos for self-awareness and communication.
Books in the bedroom are a bit of a tricky area though. We have tons of books, and Chef is a great reader. But books in the bedroom are a different creature - they've kept Chef up at night making it nearly impossible for him to function the next day, they've woken others in the night when they've dropped onto the floor, they've had pages torn out and turned into teeny bits of paper ball lined up along the bedroom baseboards or made into spitballs to decorate the bedroom ceiling or turned into paper airplanes and flown out the bedroom window (years ago, some even had notes written on them, something to the effect of, "Please help! My mother has been in the hospital for weeks and I have been here by myself. Please go to shoppers and get me cereal and chips. If you don't do this, imagine how you are making someone feel"), and there have been times when books have been the reason that Chef seems "off" on an occasional evening.
For all those reasons and then some, Chef does presently have limited access to books. Magazines can be in the bedroom anytime at all as long as they are magazines that belong to Chef. Books, however, are not to be in his bedroom unless they are his own or he has asked permission to borrow someone else's book, and they can only be in his bedroom during certain times - anytime (free time) on the weekend as long as they are brought back downstairs before going to bed Sunday night, and anytime (free time) during the week as long as they are brought back downstairs before bedtime.
The exception: no sneaking/hiding books upstairs. As mentioned earlier, there have been times that Chef has seemed "off" during an evening/afternoon and it has later been discovered that his goal was to be sent to his room so he could read. Reading as a goal? Awesome. Trying to get sent to your room? Not cool. Such was the case today. Six books tucked into the ripped lining on the underside of the armchair. So we chatted. The lining and the books have been removed. Chef is in bed. Tomorrow is a new day.
Chef's bedroom is fairly empty
Right now, it contains a computer desk (which is slowly being taken apart), a mattress, what is left of the bench from when the piano keyboard was in Chef's room, an upholstered armchair, and a laminated map which Chef keeps on the floor beside his mattress.
After years of continuing to attempt to create a nice space for Chef and then attempting to help Chef create a nice space only to have numerous items just not last very long within those four walls, Chef stated that he feels better with nothing in his room. Kudos for self-awareness and communication.
Books in the bedroom are a bit of a tricky area though. We have tons of books, and Chef is a great reader. But books in the bedroom are a different creature - they've kept Chef up at night making it nearly impossible for him to function the next day, they've woken others in the night when they've dropped onto the floor, they've had pages torn out and turned into teeny bits of paper ball lined up along the bedroom baseboards or made into spitballs to decorate the bedroom ceiling or turned into paper airplanes and flown out the bedroom window (years ago, some even had notes written on them, something to the effect of, "Please help! My mother has been in the hospital for weeks and I have been here by myself. Please go to shoppers and get me cereal and chips. If you don't do this, imagine how you are making someone feel"), and there have been times when books have been the reason that Chef seems "off" on an occasional evening.
For all those reasons and then some, Chef does presently have limited access to books. Magazines can be in the bedroom anytime at all as long as they are magazines that belong to Chef. Books, however, are not to be in his bedroom unless they are his own or he has asked permission to borrow someone else's book, and they can only be in his bedroom during certain times - anytime (free time) on the weekend as long as they are brought back downstairs before going to bed Sunday night, and anytime (free time) during the week as long as they are brought back downstairs before bedtime.
The exception: no sneaking/hiding books upstairs. As mentioned earlier, there have been times that Chef has seemed "off" during an evening/afternoon and it has later been discovered that his goal was to be sent to his room so he could read. Reading as a goal? Awesome. Trying to get sent to your room? Not cool. Such was the case today. Six books tucked into the ripped lining on the underside of the armchair. So we chatted. The lining and the books have been removed. Chef is in bed. Tomorrow is a new day.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Post-Meltdown
Post-meltdown days seem to usually go more or less one of two ways - either the meltdown continues in different forms, or Chef is in very good space and talks about what happened, what worked, what didn't work, etc., is kind, and appears to regret acting out through the meltdown. Today is the latter. Phew.
Chef waited til we were almost out the door before he got up. He brought some leftovers to eat and we went off to a voluntary music performance I was doing down the lane. Chef seemed in very good spirits and I commented that he seemed to be having a very nice day. He nodded and said that he wanted to be very nice and try to make up for what he had done last night. He did some running on the way to where we were going, sat beside me while I played my music, and commented on the great food they had there for lunch. During the music, he started opening a set of chopsticks to eat what he'd brought. I glanced over at him and shook my head very slightly. He stopped. When I was finished, we walked over to a friend's art shop for a few minutes, then headed towards the thrift shop. Chef still hadn't eaten the leftovers, so I told him he could run home to our deck and have what he'd brought, then meet me at the thrift shop. He did. No issue. While at the thrift shop, we chatted more about what would work for him at school regarding his difficulty with lights and crowds and noise. He said he'd like to wear sunglasses and earbuds, and said that his school staff is now leaving the classroom with him before the bell rings so Chef is not in the hall during class changeover times. I reminded him that he has a school meeting coming up and asked if there were any other things he wanted to see on the agenda. He said he would like to cook his lunches at school, for 3 reasons: other students do that and he thinks that's very cool and wants to show what he can make, his former assistant is the person supporting the other students making their lunches and Chef wants to spend time with him,and making his lunches at school would mean he still gets to make his lunches but doesn't have to use his time at home to do it. We continued chatting while looking at different items in the shop, and I asked Chef again about being gluten-free and whether or not he wanted to remain gluten-free. He asked if there was a cost difference. I said with what we all are able to make the only real difference is when it comes to bread (rice bread is about $6/loaf). Chef's response was, "Oh, well then I just want to stay with the gluten-free. I don't want to switch back." This continues to really surprise me. I wonder if he realizes that.
When we got home, Chef immediately started washing some dishes without being reminded AND - are you sitting down?? He announced that he was going to have an apple!! And then he asked if that was ok! I reminded him that he could snack anytime as long as it was appropriate snack food and not being handled in a sneaky way. Chef then called out from the kitchen,"Mom! I'm sitting at the table and having an apple!"
I haven't talked with him today yet about snacks, and figured we'd chat about food during an afternoon walk.
Very cool turn of events.
Chef waited til we were almost out the door before he got up. He brought some leftovers to eat and we went off to a voluntary music performance I was doing down the lane. Chef seemed in very good spirits and I commented that he seemed to be having a very nice day. He nodded and said that he wanted to be very nice and try to make up for what he had done last night. He did some running on the way to where we were going, sat beside me while I played my music, and commented on the great food they had there for lunch. During the music, he started opening a set of chopsticks to eat what he'd brought. I glanced over at him and shook my head very slightly. He stopped. When I was finished, we walked over to a friend's art shop for a few minutes, then headed towards the thrift shop. Chef still hadn't eaten the leftovers, so I told him he could run home to our deck and have what he'd brought, then meet me at the thrift shop. He did. No issue. While at the thrift shop, we chatted more about what would work for him at school regarding his difficulty with lights and crowds and noise. He said he'd like to wear sunglasses and earbuds, and said that his school staff is now leaving the classroom with him before the bell rings so Chef is not in the hall during class changeover times. I reminded him that he has a school meeting coming up and asked if there were any other things he wanted to see on the agenda. He said he would like to cook his lunches at school, for 3 reasons: other students do that and he thinks that's very cool and wants to show what he can make, his former assistant is the person supporting the other students making their lunches and Chef wants to spend time with him,and making his lunches at school would mean he still gets to make his lunches but doesn't have to use his time at home to do it. We continued chatting while looking at different items in the shop, and I asked Chef again about being gluten-free and whether or not he wanted to remain gluten-free. He asked if there was a cost difference. I said with what we all are able to make the only real difference is when it comes to bread (rice bread is about $6/loaf). Chef's response was, "Oh, well then I just want to stay with the gluten-free. I don't want to switch back." This continues to really surprise me. I wonder if he realizes that.
When we got home, Chef immediately started washing some dishes without being reminded AND - are you sitting down?? He announced that he was going to have an apple!! And then he asked if that was ok! I reminded him that he could snack anytime as long as it was appropriate snack food and not being handled in a sneaky way. Chef then called out from the kitchen,"Mom! I'm sitting at the table and having an apple!"
I haven't talked with him today yet about snacks, and figured we'd chat about food during an afternoon walk.
Very cool turn of events.
Food
How to best support Chef's food challenges has been one of the most difficult aspects of raising Chef.
Here's what we know:
-According to pre-placement information, Chef experienced prenatal drug exposure and early life neglect, had more than one foster placement in addition to his few months with birthmom, and that he'd come into his last foster home having had only juice or water rather than formula the first few months of his life
-In his foster home prior to placement, Chef would not accept many foods other than meat and potatoes and alpha-getti, though his foster mom said he would eat an apple if they carved a face into it. She once showed me how Chef responded to her offering of food. She put him in his highchair, then opened the fridge, took out an item, asked Chef if he wanted that or liked it or made comments similar to, "Mmmm, doesn't this look good" etc. With every item, Chef would grin and shake his head. Foster mom would then place the item on the counter and remove another item from the fridge and present it to Chef with the same result. Chef shook off every item she offered in this manner until she took alpha-getti from the fridge, and that's what Chef accepted.
-Chef has stated that it's difficult to be around food because he wants it all.
-Chef has stated that he prefers to be by himself in general, and prefers to eat by himself
-Chef says when he eats by himself the food feels more like just his, and he doesn't have to see other people
-Food-sneaking has happened any time of the day or night, even right after a meal
-Schools selling chocolates for fundraisers? Entire case between the time he'd receive it from his teacher during the day and the time he got on the bus; though in grade 8 or 9 (schools were no longer giving Chef any chocolates to sell), he did purchase some boxes and shared them with other students. Unfortunately it wasn't with his own money.
-My grandmother and I once wanted to see if Chef really would keep eating if there was unlimited food available to him. He was 3 years old at the time. We took him to a restaurant after he'd eaten lunch one day and ordered a "finger platter" that was listed as being large enough for 2-4 people to share. My grandmother and I ate the chicken wings and battered shrimp, but left all the rest (numerous raw vegetables, battered zucchini sticks, etc.) My son ate them all except for a few celery sticks that were still on the otherwise-empty platter as my son slowly laid down on the bench seat and closed his eyes, raw veggies in each hand. That's when we knew that this was more than just appetite.
-Chef's food-sneaking has usually not involved a "regular" amount of food; it's usually a large amount of food and multiple food items (an entire box of cereal and an entire loaf of bread and a bag of apples; an entire loaf of bread and a bottle of salad dressing and a bottle of mustard; a bottle of salad dressing and a box of cereal and various other items, etc., etc.)
-It took many years and many reminders/prompts before Chef would get himself a drink other than apple juice, or water from the bathroom tap (though he says he doesn't drink water otherwise because he doesn't like water). He used to drink milk on occasion, before being dairy-free and after as well, but rarely does anymore. He is now 15 and still will rarely have a drink and will sometimes show frustration over being reminded to do so. When I've purchased one-liter boxes of apple juice,he often empties 4 or more in one day; I can't afford to provide unlimited apple juice nor the amount of apple juice he'd need in order to have 8-10 glasses of liquid per day. When the apple juice is gone, he doesn't do anything different with drinking unless I buy more apple juice (at which point he drinks as much as he can). He does like tea; he seems to prefer hot tea over cold tea (unless he'd be given cans of iced tea; I'm sure he'd drink those or cans of pop all day long if he had that option!) I've recently given him a cup of coffee. Not that caffeine-drinks are necessarily great for liquid intake, but after reading that caffeine helps some folks with adhd and fasd, I figured I'd give him a cup to see how he would do for a few hours afterwards, then talk with the school about the possibility of Chef having coffee at school. Maybe the strong flavour might also help satiate some of his food-seeking drives, who knows?
-In Grade 2, Chef wanted to eat his school lunches in the school hallway because "it's too hard to see everyone's food all the time because I want it all"
-There has been much sneaking of food into the bathroom and Chef's bedroom over the years
-When Chef was 2, he climbed out of his crib at night, got a bunch of overripening bananas (they were being saved for banana bread; Chef had wanted them during the day but I had given him something else instead), then took them to his crib to eat them, evidenced by the banana peels in his crib in the morning. He didn't seem to have touched the 3-4 bowls of candy that were sitting near the bananas.
-When Chef was 2, a heavy crystal fruit bowl was empty in his crib
-Chef was very very taken with fruit when he was younger, so at one point I kept a bowl of it in the kitchen for him as well as a bowl in his bedroom. He would eat the fruit in the bowl in his room then sneak the rest of the bag of apples or oranges or whatever fruit/vegetables, as well as other food, out of the fridge and into his room during the night. At that time, it was recommended that a bell be put on the outside of his door and that food not be allowed in his room in hopes that he would learn to access food appropriately. If I remember correctly, that is around the time that Chef's focus shifted to carbs; he would still sneak fruit or other items, but was very focussed on carbs and would sneak/eat an entire loaf of bread, boxes of granola bars, cereal, cookies, etc
-When I used to bake on a regular basis, Chef would sneak the entire cake or pie or all the cookies into his room or the bathroom and quickly eat them
-There have been many times over the years when Chef has not come for meals then hollered that he wanted his food in his room. Adoption workers told me early on that he would eventually come for a meal once he was "hungry enough" - not so. He still held out for food to be brought to his room. One time I brought a green pepper or apple to his room at the end of the second day of him not coming for meals. It was recommended to me by the adoption worker that I should not have done that. When I talked with his mental health worker and pointed out that that was the only way Chef was eating at that point, his mental health worker supported what the adoption worker had said, then added that it might get to the point where Chef would have to end up at the hospital to be fed that way if he continued to refuse to come for meals. He also stated he didn't know of anyone who would hold out for more than 2 or 3 days. I was not good with exploring that possibility.
-There have been times when it seemed as though Chef had almost set himself up so he couldn't come for a meal (ie. making sure he didn't have clothes to wear then attempting to come to the kitchen naked then stating that he wanted his food in his room, etc)
-Over the years, Chef has often often often taken food from other students or teachers. When he started taking the bus, we discovered that he was eating his lunch on the bus then saying he didn't have a lunch when he was found taking items from other students' lunches. We started having Chef hand his lunch to the bus driver and then his EA would meet Chef at the bus and Chef would then carry his lunch into the school. At that point, we were still working out details of how to transport Chef to school. He always wanted to just stay home, and before Chef started taking the bus I was always driving him to school but with much difficulty getting him out the door in the morning. Once he started taking the bus, he had to walk a few blocks, so I initially walked with him then moved on to driving while he walked then eventually just drove to the bus stop to wait and make sure he'd arrive - all in hopes of facilitating independence. Chef, however, started showing up at the bus stop with his lunch already eaten so I started taking his lunch with me to the bus stop to wait for him. He then started making stops at neighbourhood houses and asking for food, saying that he wasn't allowed to bring a lunch to school. Eventually a neighbour told me that there was a door-to-door bus service for funded students. The plan then became that I watch Chef until the bus arrives, and Chef then hands his lunch to the bus driver. The latter part of the plan doesn't always happen. Historically, school staff have been checking Chef's lunches on arrival at school to ensure it's arrived with him, and to take note of what's there so we can gauge how much of his lunch he is leaving for himself for lunchtime.
-At one point, Chef had an always-accessible snack shelf in his classroom as well additional snacks in a fridge elsewhere in the school that would be brought by staff to Chef at his request. This was in addition to the lunches that Chef was bringing - the lunches filled the paper lunch bag to the top. I don't recall whether Chef ever accessed the snack-shelf, or how frequently he accessed the fridge-snacks, though I do recall that staff were surprised at how much food he was still taking and how he didn't seem interested in his snacks, even though they were snacks that he'd chosen. I recall replacing food that had spoiled without Chef eating it. I also recall that the snack-shelf and fridge-snacks were available the better part of an entire school year, and that it didn't continue to the next year because they had so rarely been accessed and the food-sneaking in the school had continued throughout.
-When Chef was still in his younger years, his mental health worker at the time recommended that some food be kept elsewhere in the house so Chef wasn't sneaking anything and everything. I didn't agree and didn't really have another place for food, so didn't follow the recommendation.
-When Chef finished grade five, we moved to a place where Chef could not climb out his window and where he could attend a different school that had the reputation of having better and less punitive understanding of the needs of children living with various disabilities. On occasion, I put sugar, bags of cereal, etc., elsewhere other than the kitchen except at times when it was being used, and kept trying to find a place to keep bread where Chef wouldn't sneak it off and eat the entire loaf. I don't think we've ever ever had a loaf of bread in our home that was eaten "normally" prior to that. When we first moved, I also had an extra fridge in the basement to house jars of homemade soup, frozen casseroles, etc. In addition to the other food-sneaking, Chef would sneak down during the night and eat to his hearts content, evidenced by empty jars/dishes in his bedroom and in the storage room. One year on the week before hallowe'en, I put the bags of candy in my room but left some downstairs in a bowl in the kitchen. Chef had some of the candy from the bowl on occasion when I asked him if he didn't want any, but one night after he'd gone to bed and I was still downstairs, he'd made a hole (about 9"x9") in the drywall between our bedrooms in hopes of retrieving the bags of candy (I had already been locking my bedroom for some time prior to moving already; Chef would often go through my bedroom or his sisters' bedrooms, taking whatever seemed to tweak his interest.)
-Chef has always been told that snacks are available to him, and we've discussed snacks and he knows what is and isn't appropriate to eat. This has not kept him from eating entire jars of peanut butter or jelly, drinking entire bottles of pancake syrup or corn syrup, etc., etc. Knowing that he can have snacks whenever he wants has not kept him from sneaking food, and it has been rare to actually see Chef having a snack. He has stated that he prefers to be by himself all-around and that it's easier for him to sneak food because then he feels more like the food is his and he can eat by himself. He says being by himself is less stressful for him than being around other people.
-Interestingly enough, Chef has consistently come for many more meals once I stated that we wouldn't be eating at the table anymore. It just seemed too difficult for Chef to sit at the table with other people to eat. He was always watching the other plates, saying that he didn't like eating at the table, etc. We now eat in the living room for the most part, on furniture that does not face each other. Sometimes we watch the news or put in a video. And now, Chef sometimes chooses to sit at the table on his own.
I could go on and on, but if we fast-forward to today - I have removed flour, sugar, cornstarch, vanilla and other flavourings/extracts, etc., from the kitchen, but Chef has full access to the fridge and freezer etc, and knows he can have a snack when he wants. I've sometimes wondered why he seeks out such unusual snacks at times; I realize sometimes it's for sugar content, but flour mixed with vanilla? Sneaking and rushing through an entire jar of peanut butter instead of enjoying a plate of crackers with peanut butter is a sad commentary. It's not that Chef has never chosen to have a snack in an appropriate manner (in the living room, the kitchen, on the deck, or other places that don't involve sneaking/secretive snacking), but mostly when he does, it's at times that I have suggested it rather than those times being self-directed. Maybe I need to be more proactive in teaching Chef steps towards self-directed snacking.
So, with everything in mind, I am going to still keep the "highly unusuals" elsewhere in the house (so Chef isn't eating flour and vanilla, etc) but will stil keep the other food items still in the kitchen and accessible, with the ongoing reminder to Chef to snack when he wants but without sneaking. We are going to have a big bowl of always-accessible popcorn always on the table or on the counter, and Chef can gladly take some with him when he leaves the house if he wants; in fact, I might strongly promote that for the first while. I'm also going to be more proactive in his snacking otherwise. Since Chef does not do much self-directed snacking yet at this point (other than the food-sneaking), I am going to work on helping him gain more awareness of what/how/when he's eating. It's been recommended that we do up a food journal, so we'll work on figuring out how to fit that into a daily routine. And I am going to be reminding him regularly to eat (appropriate!) snacks with hopes that he will eventually embrace it on his own.
Here's what we know:
-According to pre-placement information, Chef experienced prenatal drug exposure and early life neglect, had more than one foster placement in addition to his few months with birthmom, and that he'd come into his last foster home having had only juice or water rather than formula the first few months of his life
-In his foster home prior to placement, Chef would not accept many foods other than meat and potatoes and alpha-getti, though his foster mom said he would eat an apple if they carved a face into it. She once showed me how Chef responded to her offering of food. She put him in his highchair, then opened the fridge, took out an item, asked Chef if he wanted that or liked it or made comments similar to, "Mmmm, doesn't this look good" etc. With every item, Chef would grin and shake his head. Foster mom would then place the item on the counter and remove another item from the fridge and present it to Chef with the same result. Chef shook off every item she offered in this manner until she took alpha-getti from the fridge, and that's what Chef accepted.
-Chef has stated that it's difficult to be around food because he wants it all.
-Chef has stated that he prefers to be by himself in general, and prefers to eat by himself
-Chef says when he eats by himself the food feels more like just his, and he doesn't have to see other people
-Food-sneaking has happened any time of the day or night, even right after a meal
-Schools selling chocolates for fundraisers? Entire case between the time he'd receive it from his teacher during the day and the time he got on the bus; though in grade 8 or 9 (schools were no longer giving Chef any chocolates to sell), he did purchase some boxes and shared them with other students. Unfortunately it wasn't with his own money.
-My grandmother and I once wanted to see if Chef really would keep eating if there was unlimited food available to him. He was 3 years old at the time. We took him to a restaurant after he'd eaten lunch one day and ordered a "finger platter" that was listed as being large enough for 2-4 people to share. My grandmother and I ate the chicken wings and battered shrimp, but left all the rest (numerous raw vegetables, battered zucchini sticks, etc.) My son ate them all except for a few celery sticks that were still on the otherwise-empty platter as my son slowly laid down on the bench seat and closed his eyes, raw veggies in each hand. That's when we knew that this was more than just appetite.
-Chef's food-sneaking has usually not involved a "regular" amount of food; it's usually a large amount of food and multiple food items (an entire box of cereal and an entire loaf of bread and a bag of apples; an entire loaf of bread and a bottle of salad dressing and a bottle of mustard; a bottle of salad dressing and a box of cereal and various other items, etc., etc.)
-It took many years and many reminders/prompts before Chef would get himself a drink other than apple juice, or water from the bathroom tap (though he says he doesn't drink water otherwise because he doesn't like water). He used to drink milk on occasion, before being dairy-free and after as well, but rarely does anymore. He is now 15 and still will rarely have a drink and will sometimes show frustration over being reminded to do so. When I've purchased one-liter boxes of apple juice,he often empties 4 or more in one day; I can't afford to provide unlimited apple juice nor the amount of apple juice he'd need in order to have 8-10 glasses of liquid per day. When the apple juice is gone, he doesn't do anything different with drinking unless I buy more apple juice (at which point he drinks as much as he can). He does like tea; he seems to prefer hot tea over cold tea (unless he'd be given cans of iced tea; I'm sure he'd drink those or cans of pop all day long if he had that option!) I've recently given him a cup of coffee. Not that caffeine-drinks are necessarily great for liquid intake, but after reading that caffeine helps some folks with adhd and fasd, I figured I'd give him a cup to see how he would do for a few hours afterwards, then talk with the school about the possibility of Chef having coffee at school. Maybe the strong flavour might also help satiate some of his food-seeking drives, who knows?
-In Grade 2, Chef wanted to eat his school lunches in the school hallway because "it's too hard to see everyone's food all the time because I want it all"
-There has been much sneaking of food into the bathroom and Chef's bedroom over the years
-When Chef was 2, he climbed out of his crib at night, got a bunch of overripening bananas (they were being saved for banana bread; Chef had wanted them during the day but I had given him something else instead), then took them to his crib to eat them, evidenced by the banana peels in his crib in the morning. He didn't seem to have touched the 3-4 bowls of candy that were sitting near the bananas.
-When Chef was 2, a heavy crystal fruit bowl was empty in his crib
-Chef was very very taken with fruit when he was younger, so at one point I kept a bowl of it in the kitchen for him as well as a bowl in his bedroom. He would eat the fruit in the bowl in his room then sneak the rest of the bag of apples or oranges or whatever fruit/vegetables, as well as other food, out of the fridge and into his room during the night. At that time, it was recommended that a bell be put on the outside of his door and that food not be allowed in his room in hopes that he would learn to access food appropriately. If I remember correctly, that is around the time that Chef's focus shifted to carbs; he would still sneak fruit or other items, but was very focussed on carbs and would sneak/eat an entire loaf of bread, boxes of granola bars, cereal, cookies, etc
-When I used to bake on a regular basis, Chef would sneak the entire cake or pie or all the cookies into his room or the bathroom and quickly eat them
-There have been many times over the years when Chef has not come for meals then hollered that he wanted his food in his room. Adoption workers told me early on that he would eventually come for a meal once he was "hungry enough" - not so. He still held out for food to be brought to his room. One time I brought a green pepper or apple to his room at the end of the second day of him not coming for meals. It was recommended to me by the adoption worker that I should not have done that. When I talked with his mental health worker and pointed out that that was the only way Chef was eating at that point, his mental health worker supported what the adoption worker had said, then added that it might get to the point where Chef would have to end up at the hospital to be fed that way if he continued to refuse to come for meals. He also stated he didn't know of anyone who would hold out for more than 2 or 3 days. I was not good with exploring that possibility.
-There have been times when it seemed as though Chef had almost set himself up so he couldn't come for a meal (ie. making sure he didn't have clothes to wear then attempting to come to the kitchen naked then stating that he wanted his food in his room, etc)
-Over the years, Chef has often often often taken food from other students or teachers. When he started taking the bus, we discovered that he was eating his lunch on the bus then saying he didn't have a lunch when he was found taking items from other students' lunches. We started having Chef hand his lunch to the bus driver and then his EA would meet Chef at the bus and Chef would then carry his lunch into the school. At that point, we were still working out details of how to transport Chef to school. He always wanted to just stay home, and before Chef started taking the bus I was always driving him to school but with much difficulty getting him out the door in the morning. Once he started taking the bus, he had to walk a few blocks, so I initially walked with him then moved on to driving while he walked then eventually just drove to the bus stop to wait and make sure he'd arrive - all in hopes of facilitating independence. Chef, however, started showing up at the bus stop with his lunch already eaten so I started taking his lunch with me to the bus stop to wait for him. He then started making stops at neighbourhood houses and asking for food, saying that he wasn't allowed to bring a lunch to school. Eventually a neighbour told me that there was a door-to-door bus service for funded students. The plan then became that I watch Chef until the bus arrives, and Chef then hands his lunch to the bus driver. The latter part of the plan doesn't always happen. Historically, school staff have been checking Chef's lunches on arrival at school to ensure it's arrived with him, and to take note of what's there so we can gauge how much of his lunch he is leaving for himself for lunchtime.
-At one point, Chef had an always-accessible snack shelf in his classroom as well additional snacks in a fridge elsewhere in the school that would be brought by staff to Chef at his request. This was in addition to the lunches that Chef was bringing - the lunches filled the paper lunch bag to the top. I don't recall whether Chef ever accessed the snack-shelf, or how frequently he accessed the fridge-snacks, though I do recall that staff were surprised at how much food he was still taking and how he didn't seem interested in his snacks, even though they were snacks that he'd chosen. I recall replacing food that had spoiled without Chef eating it. I also recall that the snack-shelf and fridge-snacks were available the better part of an entire school year, and that it didn't continue to the next year because they had so rarely been accessed and the food-sneaking in the school had continued throughout.
-When Chef was still in his younger years, his mental health worker at the time recommended that some food be kept elsewhere in the house so Chef wasn't sneaking anything and everything. I didn't agree and didn't really have another place for food, so didn't follow the recommendation.
-When Chef finished grade five, we moved to a place where Chef could not climb out his window and where he could attend a different school that had the reputation of having better and less punitive understanding of the needs of children living with various disabilities. On occasion, I put sugar, bags of cereal, etc., elsewhere other than the kitchen except at times when it was being used, and kept trying to find a place to keep bread where Chef wouldn't sneak it off and eat the entire loaf. I don't think we've ever ever had a loaf of bread in our home that was eaten "normally" prior to that. When we first moved, I also had an extra fridge in the basement to house jars of homemade soup, frozen casseroles, etc. In addition to the other food-sneaking, Chef would sneak down during the night and eat to his hearts content, evidenced by empty jars/dishes in his bedroom and in the storage room. One year on the week before hallowe'en, I put the bags of candy in my room but left some downstairs in a bowl in the kitchen. Chef had some of the candy from the bowl on occasion when I asked him if he didn't want any, but one night after he'd gone to bed and I was still downstairs, he'd made a hole (about 9"x9") in the drywall between our bedrooms in hopes of retrieving the bags of candy (I had already been locking my bedroom for some time prior to moving already; Chef would often go through my bedroom or his sisters' bedrooms, taking whatever seemed to tweak his interest.)
-Chef has always been told that snacks are available to him, and we've discussed snacks and he knows what is and isn't appropriate to eat. This has not kept him from eating entire jars of peanut butter or jelly, drinking entire bottles of pancake syrup or corn syrup, etc., etc. Knowing that he can have snacks whenever he wants has not kept him from sneaking food, and it has been rare to actually see Chef having a snack. He has stated that he prefers to be by himself all-around and that it's easier for him to sneak food because then he feels more like the food is his and he can eat by himself. He says being by himself is less stressful for him than being around other people.
-Interestingly enough, Chef has consistently come for many more meals once I stated that we wouldn't be eating at the table anymore. It just seemed too difficult for Chef to sit at the table with other people to eat. He was always watching the other plates, saying that he didn't like eating at the table, etc. We now eat in the living room for the most part, on furniture that does not face each other. Sometimes we watch the news or put in a video. And now, Chef sometimes chooses to sit at the table on his own.
I could go on and on, but if we fast-forward to today - I have removed flour, sugar, cornstarch, vanilla and other flavourings/extracts, etc., from the kitchen, but Chef has full access to the fridge and freezer etc, and knows he can have a snack when he wants. I've sometimes wondered why he seeks out such unusual snacks at times; I realize sometimes it's for sugar content, but flour mixed with vanilla? Sneaking and rushing through an entire jar of peanut butter instead of enjoying a plate of crackers with peanut butter is a sad commentary. It's not that Chef has never chosen to have a snack in an appropriate manner (in the living room, the kitchen, on the deck, or other places that don't involve sneaking/secretive snacking), but mostly when he does, it's at times that I have suggested it rather than those times being self-directed. Maybe I need to be more proactive in teaching Chef steps towards self-directed snacking.
So, with everything in mind, I am going to still keep the "highly unusuals" elsewhere in the house (so Chef isn't eating flour and vanilla, etc) but will stil keep the other food items still in the kitchen and accessible, with the ongoing reminder to Chef to snack when he wants but without sneaking. We are going to have a big bowl of always-accessible popcorn always on the table or on the counter, and Chef can gladly take some with him when he leaves the house if he wants; in fact, I might strongly promote that for the first while. I'm also going to be more proactive in his snacking otherwise. Since Chef does not do much self-directed snacking yet at this point (other than the food-sneaking), I am going to work on helping him gain more awareness of what/how/when he's eating. It's been recommended that we do up a food journal, so we'll work on figuring out how to fit that into a daily routine. And I am going to be reminding him regularly to eat (appropriate!) snacks with hopes that he will eventually embrace it on his own.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Tantrum
Thursday, October 7, 2010
It is the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Traditionally, Chef has often not done well with any kind of holiday/celebration. It's yet another change in routine, it's still the beginning of a new school year, he asks almost every day whether or not my daughter and granddaughter are going to be at our place or not and where they are. There always seems to be so much running under the surface for Chef.
On our way to the store today, Chef looked at me and said, "Oh, I have something for you. It's a hug. I haven't given you one in awhile." Then he hugged me.
Wow! THAT is a rarity.
While we were at the store, Chef talked about some things he'd like us to make on the weekend. Fantastic! Chef doesn't usually initiate conversations like that, plus there were some "planning ahead" pieces in that statement! Some of the items required flour. When I reminded Chef that some of those items might have to wait because he'd recently eaten the rice/potato flour, he said, "Ok." I asked him how he'd managed to eat flour just on its own and he said he hadn't - he'd mixed it with vanilla.
Chef had a good evening tonight. We ate supper around 6:30pm, he tossed in his laundry, did some dishes, talked about the painting he'd brought home for me yesterday, we talked about weekend possibilities - all in all, a really nice evening.
And then I saw it.
A link of sausage (about a foot long) from the freezer had found its way to the railing going upstairs. I commented that that looked odd and asked Chef what his plan had been.
"To eat it," he said.
"Is sneaking raw meat from the freezer and putting it in the railing the appropriate way to get food?"
"No."
"What would have been better?"
"To eat something else."
"And sneak it?"
"No. But the package says it's been cooked."
"Does that make it appropriate to take it from the freezer and try to sneak it upstairs?"
"No! But I was hungry!"
"We had supper not long ago. If you were still hungry wouldn't it be better to have more supper or to have an appropriate snack?"
"I want the sausage!!"
Chef's eyebrows went down. His arms crossed. His voice raised. And Chef was reminded that he could either take some time outside to calm down or show that he could be respectful inside. Chef slammed out the door. He had taken his dresser drawers outside awhile back because he had never used them as drawers (except for a few puzzle pieces in one and food hidden under some fabric in another) but was frequently opening then slamming them when something wasn't going his way. He and I had talked about using the drawers for plants on our deck next year. Tonight, 4 out of 6 of them were destroyed. Chef started by banging them up against the house and the door, then started taking them apart and using the wood to hack apart the other drawers. I found it interesting that when I came out to give him his med, he stopped what he was doing, opened his mouth for the med, swallowed, then opened his mouth again to show me he'd swallowed. When I turned and went back into the house, Chef went back to grumping, banging on the house, and destroying the drawers. I called the local crisis unit to have someone on the phone while this was happening. We stayed on the phone while Chef finished with the drawers and agreed to clean up the mess and use his tools (usually exercising, especially if he is outside; inside tools also include reading, art, etc.) to deal with his frustration/tantrumming. When I got off the phone, Chef came running in the house screaming that he couldn't stay outside because there was something scary, then pointed to a tiny kitten on the lawn. Chef has never shown any fear of kittens. I asked if the kitten had surprised him and he said, "Yes, and it shouldn't have done that! I can't be outside with a kitten!" I picked up the kitten. Chef continued his tantrumming and yelled that he wanted to come inside. I reminded Chef that I hadn't seen a turn-around yet and needed to see him put some effort into dealing with his tantrumming. Chef walked away, turned around, folded his arms across his chest, and made a face at me. I closed the door. Chef started kicking/banging against the house and the door, and ringing the doorbell repeatedly and swearing. I took the kitten to our back door and gave it some food on our deck, thinking it might stay there for a bit, then I went back into the house. Chef was still tantrumming out front though he would occasionally pause to stare at the house with arms folded across his chest and an angry expression on his face, but would then go back to the tantrum. He even spent time playing with the kitten, who'd returned to the front yard, and would then go back to tantrumming. I called the police so he would receive the message from someone else that it wasn't ok to do what he was doing. The neighbours also came out and talked with Chef, but he'd initially continued on with the banging/kicking/swearing until I came out and said that I'd call the police. Chef stopped immediately and leaned quietly against the wall with his hands folded in front of him. The police came, talked with him, laughed with him, did a few jumping jacks with him, had him apologize, offered him their business card, and told him to listen to his mom. After they left, Chef and I went into the house and Chef immediately started to say something to me using disrespectful tone but I interrupted him and told him he had a choice of starting all over again by taking it outside to deal with it or turning things around immediately. He then rolled his eyes and started to try to argue. I told him that the message he was giving me was that he wasn't yet finished tantrumming and asked if that was the message he wanted to give.
"No," was the reply. By now it was after 10pm (I'd found the sausage around 8'ish). I said goodnight to him and Chef stomped into his room. I called him and asked him again if he still had some frustration to deal with because that was the message he was giving by stomping away and not responding. He started to roll his eyes and I told him to look at my eyes and take the time to find his calm. I haven't done that in ages and wasn't sure if it would still be beneficial - but Chef's eyes met mine and there was a moment of quiet. I then repeated, "Goodnight, Sweetie. Hope you have a good sleep," and Chef calmly said goodnight and went to bed.
I was just telling someone this afternoon that Chef has come such a long way in his life, and that a lot of his attachment difficulties have been healing (not healed, but healing!) over the years. This evening's trigger was very obviously one that is not historically unfamiliar - when Chef has tried to sneak an item into his room or the bathroom and the item is discovered before he can eat it or use it, he becomes furious. I had discovered the length of sausage before it had made it into his room and before he had a chance to eat it.
Tomorrow I'm going to start a combination of support strategies regarding food and see if a combination might be more beneficial for Chef.
It is the Thursday before Thanksgiving. Traditionally, Chef has often not done well with any kind of holiday/celebration. It's yet another change in routine, it's still the beginning of a new school year, he asks almost every day whether or not my daughter and granddaughter are going to be at our place or not and where they are. There always seems to be so much running under the surface for Chef.
On our way to the store today, Chef looked at me and said, "Oh, I have something for you. It's a hug. I haven't given you one in awhile." Then he hugged me.
Wow! THAT is a rarity.
While we were at the store, Chef talked about some things he'd like us to make on the weekend. Fantastic! Chef doesn't usually initiate conversations like that, plus there were some "planning ahead" pieces in that statement! Some of the items required flour. When I reminded Chef that some of those items might have to wait because he'd recently eaten the rice/potato flour, he said, "Ok." I asked him how he'd managed to eat flour just on its own and he said he hadn't - he'd mixed it with vanilla.
Chef had a good evening tonight. We ate supper around 6:30pm, he tossed in his laundry, did some dishes, talked about the painting he'd brought home for me yesterday, we talked about weekend possibilities - all in all, a really nice evening.
And then I saw it.
A link of sausage (about a foot long) from the freezer had found its way to the railing going upstairs. I commented that that looked odd and asked Chef what his plan had been.
"To eat it," he said.
"Is sneaking raw meat from the freezer and putting it in the railing the appropriate way to get food?"
"No."
"What would have been better?"
"To eat something else."
"And sneak it?"
"No. But the package says it's been cooked."
"Does that make it appropriate to take it from the freezer and try to sneak it upstairs?"
"No! But I was hungry!"
"We had supper not long ago. If you were still hungry wouldn't it be better to have more supper or to have an appropriate snack?"
"I want the sausage!!"
Chef's eyebrows went down. His arms crossed. His voice raised. And Chef was reminded that he could either take some time outside to calm down or show that he could be respectful inside. Chef slammed out the door. He had taken his dresser drawers outside awhile back because he had never used them as drawers (except for a few puzzle pieces in one and food hidden under some fabric in another) but was frequently opening then slamming them when something wasn't going his way. He and I had talked about using the drawers for plants on our deck next year. Tonight, 4 out of 6 of them were destroyed. Chef started by banging them up against the house and the door, then started taking them apart and using the wood to hack apart the other drawers. I found it interesting that when I came out to give him his med, he stopped what he was doing, opened his mouth for the med, swallowed, then opened his mouth again to show me he'd swallowed. When I turned and went back into the house, Chef went back to grumping, banging on the house, and destroying the drawers. I called the local crisis unit to have someone on the phone while this was happening. We stayed on the phone while Chef finished with the drawers and agreed to clean up the mess and use his tools (usually exercising, especially if he is outside; inside tools also include reading, art, etc.) to deal with his frustration/tantrumming. When I got off the phone, Chef came running in the house screaming that he couldn't stay outside because there was something scary, then pointed to a tiny kitten on the lawn. Chef has never shown any fear of kittens. I asked if the kitten had surprised him and he said, "Yes, and it shouldn't have done that! I can't be outside with a kitten!" I picked up the kitten. Chef continued his tantrumming and yelled that he wanted to come inside. I reminded Chef that I hadn't seen a turn-around yet and needed to see him put some effort into dealing with his tantrumming. Chef walked away, turned around, folded his arms across his chest, and made a face at me. I closed the door. Chef started kicking/banging against the house and the door, and ringing the doorbell repeatedly and swearing. I took the kitten to our back door and gave it some food on our deck, thinking it might stay there for a bit, then I went back into the house. Chef was still tantrumming out front though he would occasionally pause to stare at the house with arms folded across his chest and an angry expression on his face, but would then go back to the tantrum. He even spent time playing with the kitten, who'd returned to the front yard, and would then go back to tantrumming. I called the police so he would receive the message from someone else that it wasn't ok to do what he was doing. The neighbours also came out and talked with Chef, but he'd initially continued on with the banging/kicking/swearing until I came out and said that I'd call the police. Chef stopped immediately and leaned quietly against the wall with his hands folded in front of him. The police came, talked with him, laughed with him, did a few jumping jacks with him, had him apologize, offered him their business card, and told him to listen to his mom. After they left, Chef and I went into the house and Chef immediately started to say something to me using disrespectful tone but I interrupted him and told him he had a choice of starting all over again by taking it outside to deal with it or turning things around immediately. He then rolled his eyes and started to try to argue. I told him that the message he was giving me was that he wasn't yet finished tantrumming and asked if that was the message he wanted to give.
"No," was the reply. By now it was after 10pm (I'd found the sausage around 8'ish). I said goodnight to him and Chef stomped into his room. I called him and asked him again if he still had some frustration to deal with because that was the message he was giving by stomping away and not responding. He started to roll his eyes and I told him to look at my eyes and take the time to find his calm. I haven't done that in ages and wasn't sure if it would still be beneficial - but Chef's eyes met mine and there was a moment of quiet. I then repeated, "Goodnight, Sweetie. Hope you have a good sleep," and Chef calmly said goodnight and went to bed.
I was just telling someone this afternoon that Chef has come such a long way in his life, and that a lot of his attachment difficulties have been healing (not healed, but healing!) over the years. This evening's trigger was very obviously one that is not historically unfamiliar - when Chef has tried to sneak an item into his room or the bathroom and the item is discovered before he can eat it or use it, he becomes furious. I had discovered the length of sausage before it had made it into his room and before he had a chance to eat it.
Tomorrow I'm going to start a combination of support strategies regarding food and see if a combination might be more beneficial for Chef.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Vanilla (or "And We Parents Become the Stashers")
Today I've been moving food to a locked cupboard. This sure isn't an ideal support tool and hasn't been necessary for quite some time, but those of you who have been following the blog know that the recent transition period has seen the food challenges all back in full swing - and then some!
A few days back, I'd discovered that the large vanilla extract bottle was quite a bit emptier than it had been the last time it was used. I decided to put it away in my room. Today as I was moving food, I found two other vanilla extract bottles at the back of the top shelf of one of the cupboards - both had been drained empty. Needless to say, extract of any kind will no longer be kept in accessible kitchen cupboards.
**UPDATE: My son is due home in a few minutes, so I thought I'd best triple-check the locking doorknob that I've put on the closet then get the closet closed. I'd checked the key/lock before installing the doorknob. I'd checked it again after installing it. Both times, the key unlocked the doorknob. This time? The key didn't unlock the doorknob! My son is about to walk in the door, and all the "cupboard food" is now in an unlocked closet a few feet from his bedroom (because all the food easily fit on a couple shelves in that closet). Once he walks in the door there can't be any more attempts or he'll know that's where it all is and we could have another adventurous night ahead!
Life can be a funny thing at times
A few days back, I'd discovered that the large vanilla extract bottle was quite a bit emptier than it had been the last time it was used. I decided to put it away in my room. Today as I was moving food, I found two other vanilla extract bottles at the back of the top shelf of one of the cupboards - both had been drained empty. Needless to say, extract of any kind will no longer be kept in accessible kitchen cupboards.
**UPDATE: My son is due home in a few minutes, so I thought I'd best triple-check the locking doorknob that I've put on the closet then get the closet closed. I'd checked the key/lock before installing the doorknob. I'd checked it again after installing it. Both times, the key unlocked the doorknob. This time? The key didn't unlock the doorknob! My son is about to walk in the door, and all the "cupboard food" is now in an unlocked closet a few feet from his bedroom (because all the food easily fit on a couple shelves in that closet). Once he walks in the door there can't be any more attempts or he'll know that's where it all is and we could have another adventurous night ahead!
Life can be a funny thing at times
"Morning After Respite" and "Food"
Chef came home from respite this morning to get his lunch about 15 minutes before his bus would arrive.
When he walked in the front door, he had some difficulty maneuvering around his "stuff" he's been piling for a few days in the front entrance - there were about 6 small items in total that were supposed to be for the outside garbage bin and a small plastic bag for the thrift shop. It was a small pile, but a pile nonetheless, and certainly didn't belong in the front entrance where it would cause problems for Chef using the door. Natural consequences.
When reminded (again!) that the front entrance would be easier to use once the pile is cleared up, Chef chose to clear it up! He did so in three parts; two trips to the bin, then down the lane to the thrift shop with the small bag. Just before he returned, the school division called to say his bus wouldn't be running today due to a medical emergency. I told them I'd work on figuring out transportation and if I couldn't then I'd just keep Chef home. I made a couple plan changes, and was phoning the school when my neighbour rang our doorbell. This was all happening within the first 15 minutes of Chef arriving home. Not fun for me; that much more difficult for Chef. Ah, Monday mornings.
I noticed Chef was wearing a dirty, wrinkled shirt when he came home, so I asked him to change it before heading off to school. He made a face and told me it was clean. I pointed out where it was dirty. This was not received well - our short morning together had been very busy thus far. I told Chef to take a bit of time in his room to just relax and find his focus.
A few minutes later, I called Chef down to get his lunch from the counter and go out to the deck. I'd put everything out on the counter (apple,carrots, peppers, rice/beef casserole), he just needed to pack the items into his lunchbag. Instead, Chef opened the fridge. I pointed out that there were lunch items on the counter for him and that his lunchbag was still in the living room where he'd left it last week. He said, "Ok" and kept looking in the fridge. I told him there wasn't time for anything else and that he needed to get his lunch and go out to the deck. With eyebrows down, he got his lunch items together and carried them out the door.
I've often talked with Chef about preparing "dessert" items together, such as cream puffs or rice krispie cake to take in his lunches with the idea that he would have something right in his lunch that would be immediately available for him when he feels like seeking carb-type foods otherwise. I still think this would be a very beneficial idea for Chef's lunches, though his responses to this have been varied - usually he just doesn't want to make items on the weekends, the ingredients often disappear before the items are made, or the items I make disappear en masse, leaving nothing for lunches. When Chef was in his younger grades (and prior to going gluten-free!), the lunches I packed for him were so large that the top of the lunch bag couldn't fold over. In addition, he also had access to snacks that I brought to school for him on a weekly basis. Chef still secretly and successfully sought out food otherwise - food belonging to other students, staff, the food collection box in the hallway at Christmas, etc., etc. At one point, Chef also had open access to a snack shelf in his classroom; I don't recall if he ever accessed it at all, but he still sought out food otherwise. Food remains a very challenging area for Chef when he does not have an adult with him.
When he walked in the front door, he had some difficulty maneuvering around his "stuff" he's been piling for a few days in the front entrance - there were about 6 small items in total that were supposed to be for the outside garbage bin and a small plastic bag for the thrift shop. It was a small pile, but a pile nonetheless, and certainly didn't belong in the front entrance where it would cause problems for Chef using the door. Natural consequences.
When reminded (again!) that the front entrance would be easier to use once the pile is cleared up, Chef chose to clear it up! He did so in three parts; two trips to the bin, then down the lane to the thrift shop with the small bag. Just before he returned, the school division called to say his bus wouldn't be running today due to a medical emergency. I told them I'd work on figuring out transportation and if I couldn't then I'd just keep Chef home. I made a couple plan changes, and was phoning the school when my neighbour rang our doorbell. This was all happening within the first 15 minutes of Chef arriving home. Not fun for me; that much more difficult for Chef. Ah, Monday mornings.
I noticed Chef was wearing a dirty, wrinkled shirt when he came home, so I asked him to change it before heading off to school. He made a face and told me it was clean. I pointed out where it was dirty. This was not received well - our short morning together had been very busy thus far. I told Chef to take a bit of time in his room to just relax and find his focus.
A few minutes later, I called Chef down to get his lunch from the counter and go out to the deck. I'd put everything out on the counter (apple,carrots, peppers, rice/beef casserole), he just needed to pack the items into his lunchbag. Instead, Chef opened the fridge. I pointed out that there were lunch items on the counter for him and that his lunchbag was still in the living room where he'd left it last week. He said, "Ok" and kept looking in the fridge. I told him there wasn't time for anything else and that he needed to get his lunch and go out to the deck. With eyebrows down, he got his lunch items together and carried them out the door.
I've often talked with Chef about preparing "dessert" items together, such as cream puffs or rice krispie cake to take in his lunches with the idea that he would have something right in his lunch that would be immediately available for him when he feels like seeking carb-type foods otherwise. I still think this would be a very beneficial idea for Chef's lunches, though his responses to this have been varied - usually he just doesn't want to make items on the weekends, the ingredients often disappear before the items are made, or the items I make disappear en masse, leaving nothing for lunches. When Chef was in his younger grades (and prior to going gluten-free!), the lunches I packed for him were so large that the top of the lunch bag couldn't fold over. In addition, he also had access to snacks that I brought to school for him on a weekly basis. Chef still secretly and successfully sought out food otherwise - food belonging to other students, staff, the food collection box in the hallway at Christmas, etc., etc. At one point, Chef also had open access to a snack shelf in his classroom; I don't recall if he ever accessed it at all, but he still sought out food otherwise. Food remains a very challenging area for Chef when he does not have an adult with him.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Respite Weekend
Last night after supper, Chef agreed that he needed to get his laundry done so he didn't have to worry about it the rest of the weekend, and said he would ask his sister for permission to go into the basement (because she is home and he has to walk through her room to get to the laundry room) as soon as she was finished with what she was doing. I told him that in the meantime I needed to chat with him. Our neighbour had told me that the last time Chef was at her place he was loudly and repeatedly passing wind and laughing. I reminded Chef that that isn't ok in our home and certainly not ok to do in the neighbours' home either. I told him he could go up to his room to think about that while waiting for his sister. I called him about three minutes later. No response. I called him again a couple of minutes later. Nothing. His sister finished what she was doing. After chatting with her a bit, I quickly ran an errand. I glanced up at Chef's window from outside and noticed his light was off. When I got home and peeked into Chef's room, he was sound asleep. I'd planned to talk with him about the weekend but sure wasn't about to wake him up to do so.
The weekend is a music and culture weekend event. Chef has previously attended, though has always participated very passively. One time, he did agree to attend a workshop on his own while I attended one (he has known most of the musicians for quite a few years, so he feels fairly comfortable around most of them). He was the only one in his workshop, so he had an hour of individual music instruction. That was awesome! With me being a musician, Chef has had much exposure to the music community, has attended many group performances, and has performed a few times with our group as well (including one time when he played part of a tune as a solo at a public indoor market and one time when he was even on stage with us at the Concert Hall). And though he's chosen to no longer play any instruments for the time being, he definitely still benefits from being at events. However, given the way things were around camping, and the cultural event in August, and him (suddenly not!) attending the music retreat in July, and the fact that Chef has often said to our neighbour, "I didn't want to go anyway" regarding music events, I chose to do this weekend on my own. Sometimes I feel like 24/7 staff whose only time off is when Chef is asleep or at school or with a respite provider. So even with recognizing all the social benefits and feel-goods this event may have provided for Chef - sometimes, I just need a break.
This morning, Chef independently started his day again with 20 minutes of exercising. Awesome! This was followed by much rushing-around-but-not-really-doing-anything. As of this morning, Chef has now agreed that he will go back to eating breakfasts that I make, so we will re-start that next week. I'm glad he has come to the point of recognizing that benefit.
Unfortunately, Chef was out and waiting for the bus before there was a pause for me to talk with him about the weekend (for those of you unfamiliar with Chef's challenges, there have been many times when I've started preparing Chef for something different a few days or more before the event, only to have Chef be all over the map for the entire time leading up to the event - it's always tricky trying to find that balance). When I told him I'd be going away and that he'd be at the neighbour's - he cried! This completely caught me off-guard. When I told him I was going for a music weekend (thinking he'd say he didn't want to go anyway), he continued to cry and said that he wanted to come. I was stunned. There wasn't much time before the bus. I asked if he'd put in his laundry so he had free time on the weekend, and regretted asking that question as soon as it was out of my mouth - as though he were missing the weekend away with me because he didn't do his laundry. I hugged him and told him there would be other music weekends together and that I hoped he'd have a great weekend. He dried his face and walked to the bus.
The weekend is a music and culture weekend event. Chef has previously attended, though has always participated very passively. One time, he did agree to attend a workshop on his own while I attended one (he has known most of the musicians for quite a few years, so he feels fairly comfortable around most of them). He was the only one in his workshop, so he had an hour of individual music instruction. That was awesome! With me being a musician, Chef has had much exposure to the music community, has attended many group performances, and has performed a few times with our group as well (including one time when he played part of a tune as a solo at a public indoor market and one time when he was even on stage with us at the Concert Hall). And though he's chosen to no longer play any instruments for the time being, he definitely still benefits from being at events. However, given the way things were around camping, and the cultural event in August, and him (suddenly not!) attending the music retreat in July, and the fact that Chef has often said to our neighbour, "I didn't want to go anyway" regarding music events, I chose to do this weekend on my own. Sometimes I feel like 24/7 staff whose only time off is when Chef is asleep or at school or with a respite provider. So even with recognizing all the social benefits and feel-goods this event may have provided for Chef - sometimes, I just need a break.
This morning, Chef independently started his day again with 20 minutes of exercising. Awesome! This was followed by much rushing-around-but-not-really-doing-anything. As of this morning, Chef has now agreed that he will go back to eating breakfasts that I make, so we will re-start that next week. I'm glad he has come to the point of recognizing that benefit.
Unfortunately, Chef was out and waiting for the bus before there was a pause for me to talk with him about the weekend (for those of you unfamiliar with Chef's challenges, there have been many times when I've started preparing Chef for something different a few days or more before the event, only to have Chef be all over the map for the entire time leading up to the event - it's always tricky trying to find that balance). When I told him I'd be going away and that he'd be at the neighbour's - he cried! This completely caught me off-guard. When I told him I was going for a music weekend (thinking he'd say he didn't want to go anyway), he continued to cry and said that he wanted to come. I was stunned. There wasn't much time before the bus. I asked if he'd put in his laundry so he had free time on the weekend, and regretted asking that question as soon as it was out of my mouth - as though he were missing the weekend away with me because he didn't do his laundry. I hugged him and told him there would be other music weekends together and that I hoped he'd have a great weekend. He dried his face and walked to the bus.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Balance
I've often said, if it weren't for times of issue around school (sensory stressors around bright lights and hallways and crowds and noise, etc., having to get ready in the morning, etc) and chores and lying and stealing and hygiene and responsibility, everything would be fine.
I'm sure many of us have seen someone walk in the door at the end of the day and dump their backpack on the floor or toss their briefcase onto a chair, then flop down on the couch with an exaggerated exhale and a non-relaxed look on their face. They've held it together all day through thick and thin, then they come home and need a place to just relax.
For Chef, frustrations and anxieties are almost always reserved just for home. This is where he can dump everything and know that he will be supported in continuing to learn to dump appropriately. Chef also knows that there is an expectation here for him to continue to learn to use the tools he's been given and trained to use when it comes to anger/stress management. And he also knows that he will be continue to be supported in continued learning and growing to become a contributing member of his family and community.
And unlike the person who can walk in their door and flop then exhale and vent a bit then move on with their evening, Chef's anxieties and frustrations are sometimes delayed or skewed and are communicated through other "behaviours" either in response to something or as a prelude to something he's anticipating.
Aside from all those times (which can sometimes take up the bulk of an entire day or evening or even weekend if there have been issues), Chef and I have a lot of nice moments (good talks while walking, "Mom, would you like some tea?", good talks when driving somewhere, enjoying nature walks, "Mom, there's something over here you could take a picture of", watching videos together, "Yes, Mom", etc., etc., etc.) When Chef is in good space and not in the midst of dealing with issues/behaviours/ consquences, etc., it really is very pleasant being Chef's Mom.
I'm sure many of us have seen someone walk in the door at the end of the day and dump their backpack on the floor or toss their briefcase onto a chair, then flop down on the couch with an exaggerated exhale and a non-relaxed look on their face. They've held it together all day through thick and thin, then they come home and need a place to just relax.
For Chef, frustrations and anxieties are almost always reserved just for home. This is where he can dump everything and know that he will be supported in continuing to learn to dump appropriately. Chef also knows that there is an expectation here for him to continue to learn to use the tools he's been given and trained to use when it comes to anger/stress management. And he also knows that he will be continue to be supported in continued learning and growing to become a contributing member of his family and community.
And unlike the person who can walk in their door and flop then exhale and vent a bit then move on with their evening, Chef's anxieties and frustrations are sometimes delayed or skewed and are communicated through other "behaviours" either in response to something or as a prelude to something he's anticipating.
Aside from all those times (which can sometimes take up the bulk of an entire day or evening or even weekend if there have been issues), Chef and I have a lot of nice moments (good talks while walking, "Mom, would you like some tea?", good talks when driving somewhere, enjoying nature walks, "Mom, there's something over here you could take a picture of", watching videos together, "Yes, Mom", etc., etc., etc.) When Chef is in good space and not in the midst of dealing with issues/behaviours/ consquences, etc., it really is very pleasant being Chef's Mom.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
T is for Tuesday Evening
It's another beautiful Autumn day. As soon as Chef came home from school, we went for a short walk to pick up some eggs. We chatted on the way there and back. Chef said he's going to look at hair samples through a microscope in science, and that he's very glad the school has Microsoft 2010. He likes his art teacher. We continued a previous conversation about plans for Friday; I have an afternoon and an evening performance, both out of town. Chef always comes to the place where we're performing in the evening, so we've been chatting about what might and might not work as far as transportation. If he doesn't come with me during the day, he won't be able to be there for the evening and I don't have a care provider for him who can keep him as late as needed. He doesn't want to miss anything fun that might be happening at school (Excellent!! A far far cry from just a few years back when he did anything and everything possible not to go to school!) but it looks like that's what's going to have to happen. I told him we could look at it as a volunteer event for him; if he returns to playing his pennywhistle or decides to participate in performing at some point (he says he wants to sing and has been working on a specific song), then he will earn some of the money I receive for the overall performance. "Volunteering" at performances once in awhile beforehand gives him the opportunity to see what it's like to perform in different environments and he's great with seniors and seniors love him, so Friday should be a positive life experience for him, aside from missing school. We also made our supper plans. Chef has decided that gravy is awesome, so asked about gravy and potatoes with supper. We decided he'd get the potatoes going on the stove and I'll do up homemade chicken patties with gravy and apples. Once he had the potatoes going, Chef and a young neighbourhood friend picked dandelion leaves and roots for us to freeze for using in winter (http://health.msn.com/nutrition/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100256169&imageindex=13). I had to chuckle because I told Chef that it was really important to get roots but we needed lots of leaves as well. When I checked a few minutes later, the report was that they'd given up on roots because they were too difficult. "No problem," I said. "If you manage to get any roots I'll pay you for them but just focus on the leaves otherwise." A few minutes later, Chef came inside and said they had a bunch of roots ;-)
We had supper, watched a bit of a video that Chef had put in then Chef started dishes. A few minutes later, I remembered he hadn't had a rest after school so he had a rest then came down to finish dishes. He was almost finished almost an hour later, but when I checked the dishes I discovered that only two had actually been cleaned. The rest had received the ol' "wet 'n wipe" treatment. I wasn't about to have Chef continue on into the evening doing dishes (for both our sakes!) but he knows that he doesn't have free time til dishes are done so it was off for a quiet early evening in his room at 8pm. Around 8:10 I heard snoring.
Homeschool Day
This morning, Chef got up, exercised, had breakfast, washed and dressed and was ready to go in short order. We walked downtown and our first stop was watching one of the parking lots being repaved. Chef seemed very taken by it all. We talked about what steps were involved in the paving. Chef had just told me that he wondered how the new asphalt felt when one of the workers walked over with a pail and spewed water across the new surface. Chef seemed pretty impressed with the steam that rose up. We walked for awhile and chatted, took some photos, went to the bank, went to the post office to pick up some 3D glasses to watch a tv documentary Chef wanted to see about Queen Elizabeth, stopped for a tea/coffee break where Chef immediately immersed himself in reading the papers, then went over to the library. Chef researched the nutritional value and uses of dandelions, recipes, and had just started looking at WWII sites when his computer time was up. He then read for a bit before we headed back outside. We walked and took more photos and talked. Chef shared anxieties he'd been experiencing throughout the first week at school; hazing ("They talk about it every day over the intercom, so I can tell they're expecting it to happen, and I'm just a small guy so I can't protect myself if someone gets me"), crowds/noise in the hallways ("I try to walk way over to the side and try to get into a room as fast as I can"), getting lost ("I get confused and there are lots of stairs and hallways"), feeling alone and scared ("It's a really big place and I don't know what to do if I don't have an adult with me"). The school and I had been communicating through the day and Chef's resource teacher told me that Chef had also been frustrated when he couldn't independently go online in one of his classes on Thursday (being independently online is an earned privilege/responsibility in our family) and that there had been an unexpected change in EA's Thursday morning.
Chef also told me that when he goes into his room and refuses to come out, it's because he doesn't want to hurt anyone or damage anything. Wow!! Huge huge kudos went to him for his insight and self-discipline in keeping himself and his family and his environment safe all those times, and for sharing that with me!
We talked about how I had misinterpreted him being in his room as being "on strike" and trying to get "his own way" by refusing to do anything, then talked about the great self-control he's been showing and how great it was that he had communicated that to me. We also talked a bit about recognizing balance between taking time for what he needs to do for self-control and the time he needs for other things (eating, preparing for the next day, enjoying time with family and friends, hobbies, etc) and how sometimes it takes time to find that balance while still living with the natural consequences of time not waiting for what needs to be done otherwise.
Chef's support worker who usually picks him up after school now on Mondays picked him up around 1:00 and they spent the afternoon together. Chef had told me at one point that he wants to sweep the parking lot on Mondays at one of the local shops from where he's stolen. He and his support worker set that up then hung out at the library.
Chef was in great space throughout the evening. He did a couple chores (not dishes, I'm too tuckered for that today!) and completed them quickly, then watched the documentary and part of the movie (The Queen) that followed. At 9:30 he said he was too tired to stay awake anymore and went up to bed.
An all-around very nice day!
Chef also told me that when he goes into his room and refuses to come out, it's because he doesn't want to hurt anyone or damage anything. Wow!! Huge huge kudos went to him for his insight and self-discipline in keeping himself and his family and his environment safe all those times, and for sharing that with me!
We talked about how I had misinterpreted him being in his room as being "on strike" and trying to get "his own way" by refusing to do anything, then talked about the great self-control he's been showing and how great it was that he had communicated that to me. We also talked a bit about recognizing balance between taking time for what he needs to do for self-control and the time he needs for other things (eating, preparing for the next day, enjoying time with family and friends, hobbies, etc) and how sometimes it takes time to find that balance while still living with the natural consequences of time not waiting for what needs to be done otherwise.
Chef's support worker who usually picks him up after school now on Mondays picked him up around 1:00 and they spent the afternoon together. Chef had told me at one point that he wants to sweep the parking lot on Mondays at one of the local shops from where he's stolen. He and his support worker set that up then hung out at the library.
Chef was in great space throughout the evening. He did a couple chores (not dishes, I'm too tuckered for that today!) and completed them quickly, then watched the documentary and part of the movie (The Queen) that followed. At 9:30 he said he was too tired to stay awake anymore and went up to bed.
An all-around very nice day!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Turn-Around Day!!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Today has been a turn-around day. I love turn-around days.
Chores were extremely dragged out (literally all afternoon puttering with dishwashing that was started yesterday and is still not complete; we truly do not have THAT many dishes!) BUT the stairs and the front entrance floor are clean and the "on strike" phase is over. Hooray!!
Chef planned and made his lunches for the week (homemade potato patties with onions,tofu,hot chillis; sliced cucumbers; rice crackers; apple), ate two snacks, and ate two meals! There were no inappropriate verbal expressions, no inappropriate physical communications, and no disrespecting of boundaries. There were a lot of "yes, Mom" responses to reminders of what was needed to be done, and there were independently-initiated, appropriate strategies used as well.
We also spent some time talking about tomorrow. Given the weekend we've had following the first week of school and the reports of Chef's choices while not being presently able to have the supports that work best for him, I believe it is in everyone's best interest that we take a one-day-at-a-time approach to Chef being at home for the time being until the school hears back from the division regarding the requested emergency funding for full support for Chef. I talked with Chef about it this evening and we've made some plans for tomorrow. (I also called his bus driver who told me that Chef had told him he only got up a couple minutes before the bus on Thursday which was why he was getting dressed on the front step when the bus arrived. I let the bus driver know that Chef has 50 minutes to get ready every morning (including last Thursday) and has the opportunity to earn extra time by using the 50 minutes appropriately. While on the phone with the driver, I informed Chef that the driver was telling me what Chef had told him. After the call, I talked with Chef again about the importance of honesty and about his goal of what type of person he wanted to be and how he wants people to think well of him. We then talked about tomorrow's plan.) He'd like to do some WWI research online, and I'll also direct him towards some food-related research along with a related activity. We'll take the camera along and do a fall nature walk. Chef also said he wants to get back into learning how to draw and paint. Very cool. I hope he isn't just saying that because he thinks I'd like to hear that - though that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world either.
Today has been a turn-around day. I love turn-around days.
Chores were extremely dragged out (literally all afternoon puttering with dishwashing that was started yesterday and is still not complete; we truly do not have THAT many dishes!) BUT the stairs and the front entrance floor are clean and the "on strike" phase is over. Hooray!!
Chef planned and made his lunches for the week (homemade potato patties with onions,tofu,hot chillis; sliced cucumbers; rice crackers; apple), ate two snacks, and ate two meals! There were no inappropriate verbal expressions, no inappropriate physical communications, and no disrespecting of boundaries. There were a lot of "yes, Mom" responses to reminders of what was needed to be done, and there were independently-initiated, appropriate strategies used as well.
We also spent some time talking about tomorrow. Given the weekend we've had following the first week of school and the reports of Chef's choices while not being presently able to have the supports that work best for him, I believe it is in everyone's best interest that we take a one-day-at-a-time approach to Chef being at home for the time being until the school hears back from the division regarding the requested emergency funding for full support for Chef. I talked with Chef about it this evening and we've made some plans for tomorrow. (I also called his bus driver who told me that Chef had told him he only got up a couple minutes before the bus on Thursday which was why he was getting dressed on the front step when the bus arrived. I let the bus driver know that Chef has 50 minutes to get ready every morning (including last Thursday) and has the opportunity to earn extra time by using the 50 minutes appropriately. While on the phone with the driver, I informed Chef that the driver was telling me what Chef had told him. After the call, I talked with Chef again about the importance of honesty and about his goal of what type of person he wanted to be and how he wants people to think well of him. We then talked about tomorrow's plan.) He'd like to do some WWI research online, and I'll also direct him towards some food-related research along with a related activity. We'll take the camera along and do a fall nature walk. Chef also said he wants to get back into learning how to draw and paint. Very cool. I hope he isn't just saying that because he thinks I'd like to hear that - though that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world either.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Pause for Station Identification
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Chef's day-to-day challenges, some of the diagnoses he carries are PDD-NOS(Autism), ADHD, Attachment Disorder, Developmental Coordination Disorder, and brain damage from birthmom's drug use. One doctor had also put Hypotonia on his chart; my son has problems digesting some foods. He is also extremely drawn to almost any food and is capable of ingesting huge amounts of food very quickly - he's been both hospitalized and had his stomach pumped due to food choices. He often makes choices that cause problems for him and then becomes frustrated when those choices don't work or cause other problems for him, then misdirects that frustration. Without constant and consistent support, he will usually make many bad choices and his resulting frustration escalates. He has difficulty with controlling impulses, consistently remembering and/or putting into action what he needs to do each day, learning from consquences, learning new routines, coping with crowds/noise, controlling anger/managing stress, etc., etc. For more information, please see http://www.minddisorders.com/Del-Fi/Executive-function.html.
Chef presents very well. He's a handsome young man with gorgeous eyes. He has a very sweet, gentle, pleasant nature about him when he isn't living in the storm of his challenges. He now knows enough kids at school well enough to feel comfortable enough to participate well in class and joke around with other students and teachers. He also has started to greet people independently without verbal prompts, and knows that it doesn't work to wear pyjamas to school or to be naked outside. He has learned that it doesn't work to try to make friends by jumping onto older students' backs or latching himself onto their leg and refusing to let go. He still seems to believe that giving stuff to people is the best (read "quickest") road to friendship, and that no one should ever talk with him about anything that he might have taken or suspect him of lying. He often displays creativity in doing whatever he thinks might work to get out of doing any, but my son is capable of doing quite a few household chores. Yes, it took (and still takes) a LOT of brain-training! And he does a great job of doing his laundry independently when he is in good space. He is great with computers, and he's a fantastic cook! (More to follow...)http://findthesimplethings.blogspot.com/2010/09/finding-balance.html
Chef presents very well. He's a handsome young man with gorgeous eyes. He has a very sweet, gentle, pleasant nature about him when he isn't living in the storm of his challenges. He now knows enough kids at school well enough to feel comfortable enough to participate well in class and joke around with other students and teachers. He also has started to greet people independently without verbal prompts, and knows that it doesn't work to wear pyjamas to school or to be naked outside. He has learned that it doesn't work to try to make friends by jumping onto older students' backs or latching himself onto their leg and refusing to let go. He still seems to believe that giving stuff to people is the best (read "quickest") road to friendship, and that no one should ever talk with him about anything that he might have taken or suspect him of lying. He often displays creativity in doing whatever he thinks might work to get out of doing any, but my son is capable of doing quite a few household chores. Yes, it took (and still takes) a LOT of brain-training! And he does a great job of doing his laundry independently when he is in good space. He is great with computers, and he's a fantastic cook! (More to follow...)http://findthesimplethings.blogspot.com/2010/09/finding-balance.html
Thursday, September 9, 2010
September 9, 2010
I was wrong.
Chef hadn't done his chores yesterday. Normally, he'd have a free pass on chores the first day of school in exchange for other enjoyable/relaxing activities. However, because he has gone back to only occasionally doing his chores lately, he still needed to clean up the kitchen after supper last night and clean up the bathroom.
Chef sounded like he was doing his chores and on initial glance, the kitchen looked cleaned up. I discovered this morning, however, that bits that should have been swept up from the kitchen floor had just been swept into less conspicuous places; under the cupboards, under the table, into the bathroom, down the hall, etc. There were dirty dishes in the cupboards. And though the bathroom smelled very "clean" it actually wasn't at all, meaning Chef probably did what he's done many times in the past - just dumped cleaner (vinegar) in the bathtub.
He'd also said he'd packed his lunch and even listed off what he'd put in his lunchbag - and I mistakenly believed him without checking. This morning his lunchbag only contained empty containers from yesterday's lunch. Chef grumped about having to still pack his lunch, grumped about me having to check his lunch, grumped about having to clean up a mess he'd left on the floor the night before, and when it was time to go out for the bus he kept moving slowly til he was almost late, then got dressed outside.
He did, however, have clothes on when the bus arrived, was wearing his glasses, and got on the bus with his (now packed!) lunchbag and his school supplies. So - was on his way to school and leaving a bit of a wake behind at home.
When he got home from school, there was no time for his after-school rest because we have additional plans for this evening so he needed to finish his chores from yesterday so we can enjoy the evening and start preparing for the weekend. He accepted the news, with the understanding that he would have had time for a rest if he had done his chores yesterday (still learning that it doesn't work to stockpile chores or pretend to do them or lie about having done them). Chef arrived home at 3:30pm and is almost finished cleaning up what he left in the kitchen from yesterday. It is 5:30pm....
After supper, I told my son he had 10 minutes to get the supper dishes done. They were done in 10 minutes.
Chef hadn't done his chores yesterday. Normally, he'd have a free pass on chores the first day of school in exchange for other enjoyable/relaxing activities. However, because he has gone back to only occasionally doing his chores lately, he still needed to clean up the kitchen after supper last night and clean up the bathroom.
Chef sounded like he was doing his chores and on initial glance, the kitchen looked cleaned up. I discovered this morning, however, that bits that should have been swept up from the kitchen floor had just been swept into less conspicuous places; under the cupboards, under the table, into the bathroom, down the hall, etc. There were dirty dishes in the cupboards. And though the bathroom smelled very "clean" it actually wasn't at all, meaning Chef probably did what he's done many times in the past - just dumped cleaner (vinegar) in the bathtub.
He'd also said he'd packed his lunch and even listed off what he'd put in his lunchbag - and I mistakenly believed him without checking. This morning his lunchbag only contained empty containers from yesterday's lunch. Chef grumped about having to still pack his lunch, grumped about me having to check his lunch, grumped about having to clean up a mess he'd left on the floor the night before, and when it was time to go out for the bus he kept moving slowly til he was almost late, then got dressed outside.
He did, however, have clothes on when the bus arrived, was wearing his glasses, and got on the bus with his (now packed!) lunchbag and his school supplies. So - was on his way to school and leaving a bit of a wake behind at home.
When he got home from school, there was no time for his after-school rest because we have additional plans for this evening so he needed to finish his chores from yesterday so we can enjoy the evening and start preparing for the weekend. He accepted the news, with the understanding that he would have had time for a rest if he had done his chores yesterday (still learning that it doesn't work to stockpile chores or pretend to do them or lie about having done them). Chef arrived home at 3:30pm and is almost finished cleaning up what he left in the kitchen from yesterday. It is 5:30pm....
After supper, I told my son he had 10 minutes to get the supper dishes done. They were done in 10 minutes.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Oh, the Comforts of Food
It's past midnight.
My son has made numerous trips to the washroom, accompanied by comments of "I'm sorry about taking all the sugar before" and "I'm just wondering what time it is" and "Mom, are you still awake?" (I'd like to think that he was just innocently making these comments, but he has never done that before after he has gone to bed and I now have a sense that he was actually checking to see if I was actually still awake so he could gauge what he was going to do.)
I figured the numerous bathroom trips were a result of his "Mmmm, sugar!!" choices earlier today.
I was wrong.
When I knocked on his door to say goodnight and see how he was doing, I heard some rustling but no answer. When I opened the door, my son's eyes were closed but his eyelids were sort of squinting - I suspected he wasn't at all asleep.
And then I saw it.
On his floor was a full picnic, blanket included. Apparently he'd been closing the bathroom door then sneaking food into a blanket and into his room under the guise of being in the bathroom. This isn't something new (the "pretend to be in the bathroom but actually be doing something else" plan) but he hasn't done this in years. Part of me was actually relieved to see that he had finally taken in a good amount of nutrition, given his poor eating habits as of late. I also wondered if he'd purposely targeted the food that we'd planned for his school lunches this week. His body may have been craving "good stuff" to balance out the sugar he'd earlier ingested or the sugar was effecting him to the point of "needing" more to eat and/or the "school is starting this week" is coming to light in the area of food. And though food-sneaking/gobbling is definitely a less-than-ideal coping mechanism, I'd rather that than the "behavioural meltdowns" of yore.
So there it was, a blanket with some of the food that was going to be used in his lunches we'd planned together for his first few days at his new school: a half-eaten basket of pears, a basket of peaches, empty bones from leftover chicken, and a package of rice crackers with only a couple missing. There was also a bottle of mustard (half-empty) and a bottle of salad dressing (empty). Oh, and a box of animal cookies from my daughter's room; empty.
I hope he sleeps through the night.
My son has made numerous trips to the washroom, accompanied by comments of "I'm sorry about taking all the sugar before" and "I'm just wondering what time it is" and "Mom, are you still awake?" (I'd like to think that he was just innocently making these comments, but he has never done that before after he has gone to bed and I now have a sense that he was actually checking to see if I was actually still awake so he could gauge what he was going to do.)
I figured the numerous bathroom trips were a result of his "Mmmm, sugar!!" choices earlier today.
I was wrong.
When I knocked on his door to say goodnight and see how he was doing, I heard some rustling but no answer. When I opened the door, my son's eyes were closed but his eyelids were sort of squinting - I suspected he wasn't at all asleep.
And then I saw it.
On his floor was a full picnic, blanket included. Apparently he'd been closing the bathroom door then sneaking food into a blanket and into his room under the guise of being in the bathroom. This isn't something new (the "pretend to be in the bathroom but actually be doing something else" plan) but he hasn't done this in years. Part of me was actually relieved to see that he had finally taken in a good amount of nutrition, given his poor eating habits as of late. I also wondered if he'd purposely targeted the food that we'd planned for his school lunches this week. His body may have been craving "good stuff" to balance out the sugar he'd earlier ingested or the sugar was effecting him to the point of "needing" more to eat and/or the "school is starting this week" is coming to light in the area of food. And though food-sneaking/gobbling is definitely a less-than-ideal coping mechanism, I'd rather that than the "behavioural meltdowns" of yore.
So there it was, a blanket with some of the food that was going to be used in his lunches we'd planned together for his first few days at his new school: a half-eaten basket of pears, a basket of peaches, empty bones from leftover chicken, and a package of rice crackers with only a couple missing. There was also a bottle of mustard (half-empty) and a bottle of salad dressing (empty). Oh, and a box of animal cookies from my daughter's room; empty.
I hope he sleeps through the night.
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